Of Laughter and Tears

New semester!!!

2012-01-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

Hi there!!! It's been a while i didn't post here.
Well, I was too busy preparing for my final exam before and enjoyed my semester break. Well, here we go.
A new semester, a new house, a new room, I hope I can get a roommate later. Now, I'm living alone here.

Hope this semester will bring more lucks to me :D smile.

The Mist of Tears

2012-01-07T13:30:00.006+08:00

As I walk down the road
It was past midnight
I can see the dark sky
is brightened with fireworks

This is the last pace
I will made
To let go what I own

I opened the cage of sadness
with a key I made
My heart is crying

I will stay awake
to walk on this world
with my own will

And the mist
the mist of tears
come and surround me
all over me

I embrace the mist
for the last time
remembering all our cries
in the past

I will stay awake
looking at the mist of tears
fading through
and sunshine of hope
will appear
bring me the light
showing my path
and walk away
from this life

Quotes: Different

2012-01-05T16:31:00.002+08:00

"OUR ROAD TO THE FUTURE IS DIFFERENT.
IT IS NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME."

Hello 2012

2012-01-01T10:41:00.003+08:00

This year, I just wish my 2012 is a year which I can forget all my tears in 2009 until 2011.

Tembok Biru

2011-12-26T12:43:00.004+08:00

Pergi
Aku akan melangkah pergi
Memerhati tembok biru itu
Sekian lama meninggi bersamaku

Ku sentuh tembok biru itu
Melihat retak-retak lama
yang sudah bertambah
yang sudah menjalar
keseluruhannya

Angin sayu berdendang
Hujan pilu berjatuhan
Guruh sayu bergendangan
Membawa sedikit demi sedikit
serpihan tembok terbang jauh
selamanya

Kini
Ribut kusut sudah hilang
Angin tenang mula menghembus
Mentari harapan kembali bersinar
Burung kebahagiaan sudah menetas

Terbanglah
Terbang bebas di awanan kasih
Mencorakkan pelangi senyuman
membirukan hati yang kusam

Aku akan melangkah pergi
meninggalkan tembok biru
yang sudah rapuh dimamah masa
yang sudah retak ditelan derita
yang sudah jatuh dikikis air mata

Selamat tinggal tembok biru
Selamat tinggal tasik air mata
selamat tinggal bunga derita

Aku kini melangkah jauh
menebarkan sayap kebebasan
menanti bayu kehidupan
membawa ku terbang

One week left

2011-12-23T11:17:00.002+08:00

Hey there!

It's been a while i left this blog with no new posts. Well, this trisem system implemented in UTP really stress us out. The time is running so fast. I can't imagine I just have another one week for my final exam. It's been a hectic semester for me. Pretty much. I encountered many things in my life but I really don't have time to post it here. Urm, maybe I'll find some time to talk about this.

Later, folks!

Busy yang teramat

2011-12-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

My final year in this university is so busy until I cannot go out more than 30 km around UTP.
My escape finally made up last weekend in Penang. What a relief! Finally can get out from this stressful environment.

Not My Love Song

2011-12-02T18:07:00.003+08:00

For the last drop of tears
I just need to clarify
I'll never be in your life
As I have one which is mine

This is the end for me
This is the end for you
For the all goodness you did
For the badness I did

I'll say "Sorry" no more
For all my faults to you
I just want to set life
free from guilt to you

Let me have you know
You are not my love song
So do not bother who am I now
Coz' I just no one anymore

Don't speak to me
If you don't want to
I'll never speak to you
Don't look at me
If you don't want to
I'll never do the same to you
Don't think of me
If you don't want to
I'll never put you in my mind too

Don't you ever think
it's hard to hate
you have to do everything
to avoid me

Please don't do all of this
I'll never wave you there
We are no one I know it
Just run and pass the wind

I'm erasing my memory
I'll never know who you are
I won't care what you did
lost my past life forever

Don't you ever think
it's hard to hate
you have to do everything
to avoid me

Let me have you know
You are not my love song
So do not bother who am I now
Coz' I just no one anymore

No one
No one
anymore...
anymore...

Tengkujuh

2011-11-21T01:41:00.003+08:00

Tengkujuh itu
membawa satu erti
yang hanya bermakna
pada jasad itu sahaja

Tengkujuh itu
membawa seribu satu soalan
kepada mereka
yang mencari sumbu keadaan

Di situlah petir dan guruh
bercanda riang
memanah langit
menggegar darat
menurunkan manik-manik kesedihan
yang sudah lama dikandung

apa tengkujuh ini
akan terus mendatang?
atau berpindah ke tanah lain?
atau memanjangkan cabangnya?

I don't troll people. Not my level.

2011-11-16T18:53:00.003+08:00

I've been in this situation many times.

Today is Wednesday. I want to go somewhere. But the sky was so dark. You can predict anytime, it will be raining soon. I disappoint and let go my wish. However, I know if I predict something to happen, the other way around will happen. Thus, I just said it is gonna rain soon.

Later, the sky is bright and the sunset is so beautiful.
I forget my wish, but I keep the rain away for this evening, I believe.

Am I trolling God?
Problem?
I just could smile for it.
:D

Getting myself up

2011-11-08T10:41:00.001+08:00

lately, I've been very very lazy! I need to speed up my work progress! Basya!

Kisah Seram 3 Pagi

2011-11-05T13:27:00.003+08:00

Raya haji esok kan? Aku masih lagi dok utp ni. Tak balik kelantan. Study katanya. Yo yo je study. Ye la, minggu depan ada test, kena submit tu submit ni, banyak jugak la kerja yang nak dibuatnya. Nak keluar UTP pun pikir pat nam kali. Tapi kerja masih berlambak. Otak masih lagi lembab. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa otak masih lembab. Test Software Agent pun buat ala-ala bodoh piang je.
Berbalik raya haji, semua orang dah balik. Maka UTP ni jadi kosong la semalam. Petang je dah rasa kosong. Pergi dinner pun rasa lengang. Akak Western tu gembira sebab aku tak balik. Dia pun kena buka kedai masa raya haji pertama. Then hari isnin baru boleh cuti. Roommate aku dah balik petang tu. Maka, aku tinggal sorang-sorang la kat bilik semalam.
Nak dijadikan cerita, semalam aku demam. Demam light-light saja petang tu. Tapi, bila dah masuk malam suhu badan dah naik kaw-kaw. Hamboih, ni dah tahap panas dah ni. Jadi, sebagai petua nak turunkan berat badan, eh silap, sebagai petua nak turunkan suhu badan, aku pun basahkan tuala dan balut leher aku dengan tuala basah. Dengan buat cara ni, suhu badan akan turun dan selesema pun akan berkurang. Aku ni bukan suka makan panadol pun. Kalau demam, ni la cara nak sembuh dari demam.
Maka aku pun tido la dengan lenanya pukul 930malam. Mak oi... awal gile tido semalam. Tup tup bangun pukul 12 tgh malam. Awal. Aku rasa sangat awal. aku pun tido balik. Then mata aku buka balik. Dah pukul 6 ke? Bajet kalau dah pukul 6 tu, boleh la nak solat subuh kan? Haha.. Tengok jam, Pukul 3, teringat kawan aku, Fuad cakap:

"Kau, kalau tido, jangan tutup pintu, buka sikit pintu tu. Satu lagi, jangan tido mengadap katil roommate ko. Pintu tu kalo ko kunci macam ko tak suka dia datang, tapi kalo ko buka luas sangat, ko invite dia masuk pulak. Jangan buka luas. buka sikit je. "
Aku dengan angkuhnya jawab:
"Ha! Mengarut lah kau! Aku tido sorang-sorang ok je. takde apa pun."

Menyesal.

Seriously, aku menyesal gile cakap besar camtu. Dah tutup mata, ada orang main petik jari pulak kat kaki aku ni. Aku dengar. Mampos aku! Tu la cakap besar lagi. Then dalam hati aku dah baca ayat kursi dan ayat-ayat yang aku ingat. Sekali dengar ada orang petik jari kat luar. Then aku dengar ada orang petik jari kat dalam pulak. Habis. Aku dah rasa berdebar jantung aku dah masa tu. Then dah tak ada apa-apa dah. Aku doa banyak-banyak kat Tuhan agar aku tak jumpa la benda-benda ni. Dah lama tu, tib-tiba jantung berdegup kencang. Slow kejap then kencang lagi. Haih jantung, hang ni pasai pa dok aggressive sangat ni? Nak je waktu tu bangun dari katil, terus lari dari bilik. Tak, tak boleh. Aku hold still je kat katil tu. Hold punya hold, tertido jugak la akhirnya. Lepas tu, terus passed out.
Bangun je dari tido, matahari dah tinggi. Alamak... subuh dah tertinggal. Qada' la jawabnya..
Jadi, aku sekarang dah takut nak tido sorang-sorang. Mungkin lepas ni aku tido bilik kawna aku kot.. takut giler kott... dah la dok sorang-sorang. masa tengah type entry ni pun dah seram semacam je.. haish~
Moralnya di sini, jangan cakap besar. lagi satu, solat jangan tinggal. Mohon pada Allah agar kita sentiasa diberi perlindungan. dan rajin-rajin la mengqada' solat anda sekiranya tertinggal. Haha...

p/s: hari ni puasa hari arafah. First time puasa hari arafah ni. Best jugak :D

Friday Friday Friday Insomnia

2011-11-04T05:22:00.003+08:00

This is me right now.

Didn't sleep since evening. I slept for 45 minutes in the afternoon. I had a discussion, then procrastinate, get some sugar, get high with the sugar, then I'm staying awake..
awake... awake...

Gonna wait for the Fajr prayer and sleep after 7am. Hope can wake up at 12pm. This is crazy! But I'm ok with this. As long my sleep does not disturb my class.

Looking for my 'working' button. It is not on yet.

Flasher!

2011-10-27T19:34:00.003+08:00

I met a flasher today! in front of my eyes!
well, not really a flasher, just sexual harassment.

my feeling?

TERRIBLE!

Itu

2011-10-26T17:29:00.003+08:00

Itu yang dibina
dari kata-kata kepercayaan
dari kata-kata setiakawan

Membawa satu perkara
yang dinilai tinggi
dijunjung dijulang
ke langit angkasa

Itu yang runtuh
dari kata-kata kekecewaan
dari perbuatan tanpa sedar

Terbanglah bersama angin
Hanyutlah ke muara
Tenggelamlah ke dasar
Semoga ia membawa ketenangan jiwa

Quote: Hilang

2011-10-26T17:18:00.001+08:00

Kalau sudah hilang, masakan mahu dicari lagi

Last Friday Night

2011-10-23T01:17:00.003+08:00

Last night, I laughed too loud until I forget my tears the night before.
Thanx for cheering my night.

Lelah

2011-10-20T23:18:00.004+08:00

Lelah
aku sudah lelah
lemah
aku sudah lemah
menjejaki kisah lama

pudar
aku harap ia pudar
hilang
aku harap ia hilang
dari ingatanku
dari mindaku

jauhi aku dari kepiluan hidup
jauhi aku dari tangisan duka
jauhi aku dari kermukaan

aku hanya mampu berserah
setelah ku bersusah
apakan daya itu Tuhan
akulah makhluk yang hina

Aku mencari
jalan untuk ku pulang
aku mencari jalan penyelesaian
Namun kau membuatku
hilang arah

Ku genang air mata
mengenang kisah lama
aku hidup merana
sampai bila akhirnya?

Cukup darimu satu senyuman
yang ikhlas dari hatimu
yang ikhlas buat diriku

Itu yang kupinta sebelum
kuhembus nafas
yang terakhir di dunia

Hampir

2011-10-18T19:07:00.003+08:00

Hari nie hampir-hampir bertembung. Tapi tak jadi. Sebab aku ke arah lain, dia pun ke arah lain. aku letak nasihat kawan aku kat tepi. Mungkin kita dah tak ada jodoh bertemu lagi? Sekiranya itu yang terbaik, maka itulah yang dihajatkan.

Semoga yang baik itu didekatkan, yang jahat itu dijauhkan.

Monday Kiss- Tajuk takde kena mengena

2011-10-17T10:25:00.004+08:00

It's 1025am. Baru je habis kelas. My class for today cuma this kelas sahaja.
So apa nak kena buat lepas nie?? Kita ENJOY!!!!!

Oooppsss... chup.. chup....

Apa kes nak enjoy-enjoy pepagi buta ni kan? Lets masak-masak dulu, then kita buat:
1. Distributed Computing Assignment
2. Dating bersama FYP1. Ddah dua minggu tinggalkan FYP. Kesian dia tinggal sorang-sorang... hehehe...

Meh sini meh.. ala bucuk-bucuk... bucuk-bucuk.....

Rasa hidup kembali!

2011-10-16T23:33:00.004+08:00

Malam nie sudah ada dua meeting.
Satu meeting sudah dipersetujui
Satu meeting tergempar.
Dua meeting, back to back. Tapi lain tempat.

8pm-930pm
First meeting pasal akademik. Selesaikan assignment dengan shahnaz. Teman dinner baru sem ini. bersama roommate dia, Ayien yang comel. Kami makan dinner dengan Alia sambil borak-borak masa intern.. hahaha.. banyak hal yang nak diceritakan. Once makanan dah habis, kami terus sambung meeting. Shahnaz ada banyak idea. Aku pulak ada idea tapi tak se-detail shahnaz. Tapi boleh la dari segi idea, nak sumbangkan dia punya rough architecture. huhu... Sejam kami pulun idea. last-last dapat jugak final decision.

930pm-1030pm
Wafi ajak meeting kat v4 cafe. Ada perubahan rancangan pada Student Advisory Board plan. Kitorang terpaksa cramp everything kepada dua hari. Paden in-charge for the forum. Aku pulak dengan brainstorming session. Adui, ramai pulak nak kena contact nanti. Harap esok hari boleh la semua dibuat. Susah jugak masuk SIFE nie. Masuk 2011 ni, dah 4 tahun masuk SIFE. Dah jadi Presenter 3 tahun. Cukup tahun depan dah lima tahun dah aku jadi SIFErs. Banyak perkara yang dilalui, banyak jugak ragam manusia yang kitorang temui. Kitorang berharap sangat mana-mana orang yang kitorang temui tu bersemangat nak ubah hidup mereka dengan lebih baik.

Habis meeting rasa nak minum air teh. Nak beli teh o ais kat V5 Water World kang pakcik tu dah spot. terus lencong masuk kedai V5. I grabbed the tea box, bayar, balik buat ayaq teh. Ayaq teh aku lagi sedap taw.. haha.. usaha nak kuruskan badan...

Teh Lipton sedap dibuat malam-malam yang sejuk.. hehehehe..

Siap ada instruction lagi... tapi still buat kelat. Sebab nak kurus~

Habis dua meeting rasa otak dah berfungsi kembali. Tapi masih belum berfungsi dengan betul. Mungkin perlukan lebih banyak meeting.

I'm a meeting whore.

late night supper

2011-10-16T01:26:00.002+08:00

tak dapat nak tido. Bakar some breads, buat air milo. Harap lepas nie boleh tido nyenyak.

Just say 'Hi!'

2011-10-15T12:37:00.004+08:00

"Next time, if both of you bump on each other, just say 'Hi!' "

An advice from my friend to me for my problem. Will i be able to put on a smile on my face when seeing that person again? I hope I can do that.

Denai

2011-10-15T11:50:00.003+08:00

Itu denai yang dia telah lalui
Denai yang membawa diri
dirinya mengadap yang Esa

Denai itu yang dia pernah kesali
dia pernah marahi
dia pernah tinggalkan

sepanjang usaha dia
membuka laluan baru
dia sudah tersalah
kakinya sudah berlumpur
tangannya sudah kasar
hatinya gundah

kini dia mencari denai itu
mengikuti denai itu
sedikit demi sedikit
memaut pada malaikat
melerai ikatan syaitan

Wordless Wednesday: Shopping Cooking

2011-10-12T18:44:00.002+08:00

credit to Google image.

Quotes: Bestfriends

2011-10-10T01:43:00.002+08:00

"Bestfriend tak boleh duduk satu bilik."
"Oh really? Kenapa?"
"Sebab nanti nampaklah benda-benda yang tak berkenan."

It was during an interview last Saturday with one of students I interviewed. I just sighed and smiled. So true, for me la.

Di akhir minggu kedua Semester Sept 2011

2011-10-09T11:10:00.002+08:00

Dah dua minggu masuk belajar. Alhamdulillah.. setakat nie boleh nak cope lagi dengan matapelajaran yang diambil.
Seminggu sebelum masuk semester dah cuak. Kenapa cuak? Sebab tak dapat nak register major yang nak, Software Engineering. Sangat cuak. apa la nak jadi dengan nasib kan? Tapi bila dah masuk semester nie, gigih nak masuk kelas major Software Engineering. Ye la, kalau nak buat major Multimedia, tercangok aku depan lecturer tu! dah la tak paham apa yang diajar, tambah pulak otak tengah lembab nak terima apa yang lecturer ajar. Tak ke naya namanya tu?
Aku dah bajet dah nak amik major apa mula-mula masuk utp dullu. penting. At least dapat la tahu kemana kau nak pergi masa depan. Mula-mula nak buat Knowledge Management. Ye la, dapat tahu ada knowledge management nie tak banyak programming. Banyak research dan membaca. itu yang teman suka!!!
Nak pilih minor pun dah considered awal2. Bukan apa. Nak pandai kira duit ke? Nak pandai urus organization? In term of ability, teman lebih gemor membaca dari mengira. kalau kira-kira nie, agak FAIL di situ. Bukan apey, doh teman tengok result matematik teman idok ade yang cantik. Takkan le teman nok amik yang kire-kire, dok? Oops, tercakap Perok pulak yer..
Jadi, segala perancangan dalam pembelajaran itu haruslah berlandaskan minat dan kebolehan.
Ingatkan masuk UTP ni boleh la nak expandkan limits as student kan, amik mende2 yang over my limit so boleh jadi lebih hebat. Last-last, result exam jugak yang depa check. Macam mana sekarang? terpaksa la cheq amik major dan minor yang cheq boleh excel saja. Awat cheq cakap Penang nie?
Bila dah masuk minggu ke-3 ni, aku harap sangat yang semester ni taklah se-angau tahun lepas. Parah sangat dengan keputusan yang ada. Perlu menjadi lebih sibuk dan sibuk sampai makan pun tak lalu dan berjaya menguruskan berat badan! Hoyeah!!!!

Being selfish?

2011-10-07T10:32:00.002+08:00

It came across my mind where the term selfish pop up in my head. It made me thinking for a while.

"Should i be selfish? Why I'm being so selfish? What benefit I get if i become selfish?"

I'm just too neglected to become selfish. May be i should be sometimes.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-05T21:50:00.001+08:00

Layan perasaan

2011-10-01T13:48:00.002+08:00

Aku tak boleh kalau tak sibuk. Kalau tak sibuk, mula la nak layan perasaan. Tasik airmata la, bergendang-gendang la, menari-nari la. Aku pun fikir.

"Sampai bila aku nak layan perasaan?"

Dah dua tahun melayan perasaan. Ada yang terluka, ada yang ceria, dan ada juga yang menanggung derita. Tak masuk lagi part-part air mata. Semua tu dah jadi sejarah sahaja.

Aku pun selalu menoleh ke belakang, melihat diri aku yang lalu. Aku tengok diri aku yang kini. Aku masih lagi aku.

Sesekali menoleh ke arah orang lain. dan otak aku mula berfikir.

"Mengapa kita tidak boleh berhubungan seperti biasa seperti aku dan orang lain?"

Dan aku akan menjawab sendiri.

"Mungkin kita berdua masih trauma dengan apa yang berlaku."

Aku sentiasa mencari masa untuk melepaskan segala-galanya. Namun, masa itu masih belum tiba. AKu berharap Dia Yang Maha Esa lebih mengetahui segala-galanya.
Hidup dah menjadi satu permainan yang aku mesti tempuhi dengan berfikiran terbalik. Kerana kebanyakan apa yang dirancang, yang sebaliknya yang berlaku. Aku pun pening, Pening dengan pemikiranku. Adakah aku sudah tidak normal? Atau semua sudah tersurat. Cuma aku sahaja yang tidak dapat menerima.

Aku masih lagi meletakkan masa kita antara masa yang paling kuhargai. Namun, itu kan sudah menjadi sejarah, bukan?

Stress di awal semester.

2011-10-01T12:40:00.002+08:00

Balik-balik UTP, semua komen pasal badan aku.

Dah besar.
Semakin Hot.
Dah tembam.
Semakin besar.

Stress pulak bila orang komen badan dah besar. Biasa la kan, bila duduk rumah makcik yang rasa kalau kita tak makan kita dah kebulur hape kan. Nak keluar pergi jogging kang ada banyak anjing, kawasan rumah tak selamat. nak exercise kat rumah tak banyak. rumah. Banyak perabot. kang lompat-lompat nanti ada yang pecah. Mati aku sana.
Nak buat macam mana? So semalam baru je joging. First time jogging selama seminggu sampai UTP. Dah putar hampir satu UTP. Buat second round. Pancit dah. Kena kurangkan makan, kena kuat exercise. Perut tak boroi. cuma badan je dah mengembang. Kalau ada budak2 patah bertanya, alasan berbunyi:

"I baru beranak anak I. Biasa la, 9 bulan kan. sempat la mengandung anak sorang."

Selama ni badan tak pernah naik sebanyak ni. Selama nie badan kurus keding sahaja. Muka sentiasa cengkung. Jadi disfiguration nie agak mengejutkan. Sebagai langkah pertama, kurangkan makan, banyakkan puasa sunat dan tak lupa untuk jogging setiap petang. Semalam jogging terus amik 10KM. Letih. pagi2 semua sendi dah sakit. tak boleh nak bergerak sangat. Tambah-tambah lagi kaki kanan sakit kat buku lali. dekat joints. sama jugak pada kaki kiri. Tapi dekat lutut. takut jugak kalu semua dah haus ke. Tapi semua sakit nie ada lepas habis internship dan mula belajar jalan mengangkang. AKu dah cuba taknak jalan terkepit-kepit. tapi still sama jugak. Kalau jalan terkangkang tu orang cakap macho sikit. Tapi rasa jalan mengangkang nie rasa cacat pulak. Nak pulak kaki kiri kanan sakit masa praktik jalan kangkang nie. Kadang-kadang terfikir jugak.

"Patut ke aku teruskan dengan sakit kaki nie?"

Aku pasrah. biarlah kalau kaki nak jalan terkepit pun. Semua benda nie dah jadikan badan sakit dah. aku dah tak tahu nak buat macam mana lagi nak bagi sihat. kalau masa kerja tu ok je. takde masalah. Demam, alah tu biasa la kan. Tapi bila dah cuti dua bulan nie, otak dah lembab, badan dah sakit, lemak dah bertambah, bila cuti nie buat diri lebih tak sihat. Itu yang nak duduk rumah dekat Kuala Krai. At least ada la jugak kerja nak kemas rumah, buang sawang, pergi kubur ummi dan abah ke. tapi semua tak harap. Takut ada orang masuk rumah, tetak leher aku la. Memang tak salah nak risau. tapi semua kerisauan tu terlalu melampau. Terlalu melampau. Tambah-tambah lagi kalau bab-bab makanan. Dah tahu orang nie tak makan banyak. Paksa jugak makan. Kalau perut aku setan je duduk, boleh la nak. bagi. Tapi, rasanya setan dalam perut pun tak mampu nak makan banyak. Banyak sangat.

SIFE WOrld Cup 2011 dah dekat. Sayang cuma boleh datang masa opening ceremony saja. Tak pe la. At least boleh daftar masa world cup tu. Jadi, agenda semester nie, FYP, kurangkan berat badan dan study banak2 agar dapat 4.0.

FYP oh FYP~

2011-09-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

baru je masuk sem baru. Tapi sem nie bukan macam sem-sem yang lepas. Sebab sem nie dah jadi pelajar tahun akhir atau Final Year student. So, sebagai Final year student, kenalah buat Final Year Project.
I've been waiting for this time for a long time. Bukan excited with that FYP but the thrill of being final year student. Ye la, your mind and mentality cannot be like when you were in your final year period. Everything must be advanced. Your knowledge bout IT must be advanced too.
If I check back all those things, macam tak layak pulak jadi IT student. I'm not that well-versed in programming. I tried many times, Just can't have it in my heart.
Kat mana silap? Maybe I don't have interest in this field kot.
Tapi dah final year. Redah je la kan? apa lagi mampu anda lakukan bila dah seluk sekam, dah nak sampai ke pangkal lengan.
This evening went to FYP1 briefing. Habis briefing je rasa stress. nak duduk pun tak senang. Idea Idea Idea. Entah nak cari mana idea-idea untuk projek kali nie. Walaupun research sekalipun. Kitorang punya FYP1 nie agak rushing. Minggu depan dah nak tengok proposal. Hari Rabu Pulak tu. Kalau Jumaat boleh tahan la sikit. Lepas tu kena attend compulsary lecture lagi. Aku bukan la jenis yang susahkan orang. As long aku boleh dan mampu buat semua tu, rasanya aku akan buat. Kalau dah itu kerja kau, buat je la.
Sebagai korban, aku terpaksa tinggalkan SIFE World Cup dekat KL Convention centre. Event tu 3-5 october 2011, kena submit kat lecturer proposal untuk FYP1 pada 5 october. Mati aku! petang 5hb tu pulak ada lecture. Maknanya takleh tinggal utp langsung la nie... Ini baru bizi giler.
Tambah2 nak kena pahamkan Software Agent pulak. Aiyoyo.. pening kepala den nak membacanya. Tajuk nie pun kena jumpa lecturer untuk clarify yang kita belajar. itu tak belajar Embedded System lagi tu! Ditambah dengan Strategic management lagi. Tak pasal-pasal kena drop Malaysian Studies sebab lecturer agak memeningkan kepala.
FYP berjaya buat hati tak tenang, otak tak berhenti-henti berfikir cari idea dari segala sudut dah. tak tahu sudut mana lagi dah nak tengok. Poning poning poning...

Post-Raya

2011-09-13T22:39:00.002+08:00

After Raya, I went to my brother's house at Flora Damansara. Right, to merapatkan silaturrahim, like my makcik told me. So I went there with a mission- to clean up his house. I'm pretty know bout my brother's behavior. Or should i say boys' behavior. We never have a really clean house! The first day i started cleaning the house.
Olala~ It was a mess. Clothes scattered around, fall hairs, and many more. I'm glad this house is not that big. I took two days to clean up the house. And the implication I have to bear? FLU. I had flu for three days in a row, plus an eye infection. On the second day, I was taking a nap in the afternoon. My elder brother woke me up. I, who was half- concious screamed as I saw him standing next to me. i was like looking a a ghost! Haha... Helping him carrying his friend's stuffs into his car, my elder brother left me alone at the house.
I was still have running nose on the third day. But that was better than having an eye infection. Fourth day, my brother took me to The Curve to buy a broadband. However, the broadband cannot be used for two days. I was waiting and waiting. Finally I had my chance to connect to the Internet.
The first thing I opened? Of course Facebook. Then I opened UTP student portal. I was late to register my coming semester for three days. Sad, but I have to. I chosed Software Agents and Embedded technology. However, the courses were full. I was... hurm.. I might don't have my luck with Software engineering major. Thus I took multimedia major. Many of us took Software Engineering. Because I was late, then I can't take the major I desired. I was disappointed.
With heavy heart, I completed the form. I can't imagine myself in the class, with my mouth dropped down, listening to the lecture. I just let the fate play with me...
My makcik made a gathering on Sunday. I went on Saturday, and on Sunday, i had an infection, my sister Dura and Farah had flu. We didn't know what happen, but we think It was the house's fault. It was the house. We siblings are very sensitive with dust around us. If the house/room was dusty, we will suffer a flu. Seriously.
After one day spent back at my house, today, I am good as usual. So I strongly believe that it is the place made me sick.

Selamat Hari Raya Yaw!!!

2011-08-29T12:20:00.002+08:00

Dah sebulan berpuasa.

Dah dekat lebih sebulan takde internet..

rasa dah putus connection dari dunia.

Kadang-kadang rasa best jugak.

Tapi facebook buat kita addicted pada Internet.

kalo tak boleh je nak survive.

apa-apa pun....

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

peace no war. anggaplah celoteh mengguris hati tu satu khilaf. peace no war.

RIP

2011-08-14T10:40:00.001+08:00

Today, I think i can rest in peace! Hoping in peace.

Berkecamuk

2011-08-13T23:15:00.003+08:00

Susah nak cakap
Benci ke suka ke
tak dapat nak bezakan

Nak berteka teki lagi
Tapi aku dah letih
Aku dah letih

Semua dah berakhir dengan baik
Perlu ke aku ada di sini lagi?
Rasa macam dah tiba masa
untuk aku mencari
jalan hidup sendiri

Ke mana?
entah aku pun tak tahu
Tuhan saya yang menentukan
takdir hidup ini
harap aku tak mengalirkan
airmata lagi
kerana aku
seorang yang pentingkan diri

I'm leaving

2011-08-13T16:01:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm leaving....
UTP la..
hahaha...
Dua minggu before raya, kena ada di dua tempat.
Not sure if I'm prepared for my coming semester. Dah ambil feel duduk UTP for one week (matila kantoi~) but not sure if I can carry on this time. Wish me luck for my coming semester.

Buka semester dah ada plan
Untuk makcik-makcik tukang jahit
untuk makcik-makcik di Nur Kasih
untuk diri sendiri- kesihatan dan wang,
untuk pelajaran masih dalam fikiran
perlu menterjemahkan semua rancangan ke atas kertas. baru nampak apa yang nak dicapai

Anda sudah ada perancangan sendiri?

Kebetulan

2011-08-12T22:43:00.002+08:00

Hari nie banyak kebetulan yang berlaku.
Tuhan itu sangat misteri. Semakin kita cuba jauhkan diri dari sesuatu, semakin dekat ia datang pada kita.
Padahal, kita dah cuba menjauhi perkara itu.

Terus terang:
Kalau dah tak suka, aku tak kisah. Benci jangan. kau jugak yang rosak hati. Anggap aku dah mati pun jadi la. lagi senang. Janji aku dah tak kacau hidup kau. Aku dah jauh dari kau. Aku dah cari hidup sendiri. Boleh? Stress pun tak guna. Nak tarik muka masam lagi la aku menyampah. Aku tak suka tarik muka masam. Sebab nanti orang tengok muka masam akan jadi masam jugak. Senyum biar pun sakit hati.

Kau doa pada Tuhan agar aku tak jumpa kau lagi. Doa aku tak mustajab mungkin doa kau lagi diterima dari aku? Siapa tahu?

Cuti saya hari ini

2011-08-10T15:59:00.003+08:00

Hari nie pagi-pagi dah lepak pergi IRC. Melepak di tempat yang ada ilmu. Katanya lah.. Pergi cari buku Marketing, buka buku Marketing, cari buku Marketing strategy, Basic marketing Management and melencong cari buku pasal Sewing for Idiot and Knitting, Design and pattern. Nak amik buku memasak takut lapar pulak. Ada yang menggelupur nanti.. hahaha..
Masa balik Kerel tu ada nampak buku HTML. Sebat. Hasilnya hari ini....
Jadi la satu scripting yang dah lama ditinggalkan.. haha... rasa-rasa boleh kot nak belajr lagi dalam bidang IT nie.. haish.. serabut otak belajar benda yang tak berapa minat.. huhuhu... tapi as long cuti dimanfaatkan belajar sesuatu benda, ada la jugak faedah nya dari melangut tak tentu pasal kat rumah tu.. kan? *thumbs up!

Nomad

2011-08-04T13:44:00.003+08:00

Sejak habis intern, badan asyik sakit-sakit. tekak selalu serak2 basah ala-ala rani mukherjee.

Paka-KL-Kota Bharu-KL-Subang Jaya-Paka-UTP-Subang Jaya-Kelantan.

Jauh berjalan. Dari Paka, turun KL semata-mata nak tengok presentation dari BEEPers kat Chartis Competition. Alhamdulillah.. not bad. team lain pun tak prepare sangat. Nak lawan UMT, UMS tu, jauh la sikit. Lagipun yang present tak sempat nak prepare jadi presenters. Nak cari Fakulti Ekonomi dalam UM tu pun tak teruk. Nasib baik ada pakcik teksi yang baik hati. Dia panggil kita 'Cikgu' sebab pakai necktie and blazer. Lawak jugak pakcik tu. Lepas habis chartis. gembira jugak la sebab dapat jumpa BEEPers baru macam Sarah, Nami, Chiko, Belon. and tak lupa Petra, Shidi, Fariz, Tasnim and mak ayam Pika.. hahaha...
Habis je Chartis, berkejar ke stesen putra. nasib baik ada tiket pergi Kelantan. Lambat. Tiket pukul 10 malam. Tgok jam pukul 6. Lepak KFC. Lahap ayam Snack Plate 2 ketul. Tak kenyang. Perut setan betul. Jalan-jalan dekat The Mall, jumpa surau. Solat dulu. Tengok jam ada sejam lagi. Boring. pergi lepak McD. boleh la buka fb, layan sume yg dikomen, like apa yg suka, stalk mana-mana yang nak stalk. Biasa, hidup bersama facebook wajib stalk orang. Siapa? Siti Nurhaliza cakap Biarlah Rahsia. 930 malam baru chow. Tengok PWTC. Tiga hari lagi kena datang sini. Sangap nak tengok team Nasional. Bas lewat 30 minit. Stesen Putra tu memang meriah bila bas sampai. Mat-mat/minah-minah salahe mati kutu nak naik bas mana. Mau kena tanya org dia beli tiket nak naik bas mana. Announcement pun dalam bahasa Melayu. Mana la diorang nak faham. Tak pe. Tunggu bas. Tunggu bas, naik Transnasional. Boleh tahan. sempit la sikit. Biasa la. maximize profit.
Sampai KB je, cari tempat nak mandi. ada lodge. Lepak sejam. Sejam lagi pergi makan. Jumpa jugak Nasi Tumpang. Beli sempat, makan tak pulak sempat. Ambil teksi haram aka prebet sapu pergi cari tempat canting batik tepi pantai. mati kutu cari. nasib baik pakcik tu tahu nak cari kat mana. Jumpa satu. Macam CEO nak. Tapi HSE kureng. Kemalangan/near miss bila-bila masa boleh jadi. Lepak KFC tunggu semua orang dari Paka sampai. Nampak-nampak dah sampai lama dah. Letih je duduk depan hotel tunggu sambil dengar radio Klasik Nasional. Petang buat fieldtrip balik. Kak Ila berkenan, Kak Su tak berapa berkenan. HSE Kureng. Melilau nak cari tempat lain. Letih. Balik bilik, tido atas lantai. Malas nak berhimpit atas katil.
Hari kedua pergi breakfast dekat Pasar Siti Khatijah. Ingat boleh jumpa cikgu. Last-last, beli nasi tumpang, makan nasi dagang, dengan sate perut percik. Puhh... meleleh wa cakap lu.. Masa puasa nie la nak cakap pasal makanan. Balik hotel, prepare untuk sukaneka. Petang je, jadi host. Aku pun pelik. dengar nada masa hosting tu rasa macam orang jual barang dekat wakaf che yeh. Habis event, kita tolong akak cleaner bersihkan tempat. takbaik taw tinggal macam tu jer.. kesian akak tu. Malam tu budak2 pompuan nak pergi wakaf kb mall, wakaf che yeh. Rasa malas. tapi pergi jugak. Ok la. not bad sebenarnya.
Hari Sabtu bawak group pergi jalan-jalan tengok kilang budu. this time naik kete company. Bas boleh dikatakan CILAHANAT. sangat-sangat. Kali nie pakcik tu bawak pergi tempat mereka gaul ikan bilis dengan budu. Best giler. depan mata. Balik kilang budu, budak2 muntah la pulak.. cancel pergi tempat canting batik dengan tempat buat serunding. Masa Bekwoh besar, semua berjalan lancar. Malam borak dengan encik Hafiz sambil makan KFC. gelak punya kuat sampai tertidor atas katil. Malu pulak dengan Encik Hafiz. :P
Bangun pagi, dah lewat. Nasib baik tiket dah beli semalam. Layan. Amik teksi, terus pergi Tesco. Bas Sani Express cakap elok. Skali. Amik Kau! CCTV dia menangis atas bahu aku. Pergi adu kat driver. dia cakap amik plastik, ikat. tadah. Sapai KL, pergi PWTC. SIFE UTP masuk Cerdik Publication League. Semua nak lari dari UTP. Takpe la. Malam lepak The Mall. Asyik-asyik The Mall. Tempat lain malas nak lepak..
First day presentation hari Isnin. Cuak. Tapi yakin presenters boleh buat. Masa present, slide tak dapat nak besarkan, Wire extension pendek sangat. Nasib Baik ada SIFE UPM. Boleh juga present. Video presentation tak ada masalah. Cuma yang part akhir yang problem. Patah hati. Harap dapat present balik masa semi final. Alhamdulillah dapat masuk semi final petang tu. Presentation was PERFECT! puas hati semua orang sampai judges dari Bank Negara pun sanggup keluar dewan semata-mata nak cakap dia ada soalan nak tanya tapi tak sempat. Even dia ada satu lagi presentation untuk semi final. Semua puas hati. Malam tu aku and Mira Gaga belanja diorang Pizza. Pizza je mampu. Balik hotel dah mabuk pizza cakap dengan budak UTM pun dah macam orang mabuk. Balik bilik lagi mabuk, lebih mabuk dari normal. hehehe...
Pagi Selasa berdebar. ALhamdulillah masuk final. top four macam tahun lepas jadi la kan? Presentation went well except masa TIEC participant tengah bercakap. orang audio PWTC tengah buat luahan rasa kat kawan dia. Sampai kawan dia yang jaga audio tu tak sedar apa yang berlaku kat luar. Second video interview takde masalah. tak taw plak semua orang tengok aku masa aku tengah berang kat audio man tu. Alhamdulillah menang jugak. jadi champion. Aku amik beg, blah balik Subang.
First day puasa pergi print report. last minit memang susah. Balik naik bas mini. Sekali ada awek freehair pakai baju bareback himpit aku. Adoyai~ nak cakap haven! bulan puasa. terpaksa la terseksa. nasib baik ada buku nak tahan. kalo tak, mati aku kena dakwa sexual harrassment bulan-bulan puasa nie. huhuhu. Buka puasa sorang-sorang. Standard. Makcik kerja. balik dekat masa berbuka. Of Course buka puasa tengah jalan. Aku faham. Tapi nasi jangan la masak sampai tiga cawan. aku makan secawan pun untuk dua kali makan. aku tak makan banyak bila puasa. cakap je nak makan banyak. Last-last, sikit jugak. Nafsu je tu. Second day puasa buka dekat The Mall. Sekali lagi. Kali nie tolong awek dari China melancong nak pergi K.Terengganu. Bawak pergi awek tu ke stesen, beli tiket, pergi KFC. Buka laptop, main internet. Leka. Nampak orang dah makan, baru buka puasa. Sampai pukul 9, pergi stesen putra. Bas sampai. Off to Paka.
Sampai Paka, tido. Bangun je, mandi, siap2, sewa keta. Keta Kelisa auto pun jadi. Aku nie jenis clumsy. Kalau drive kereta manual, asyik mati tengah jalan. Malas. Auto lagi best. Sampai company, jumpa semua orang dalam department. Suka. Rindu nak balik kerja. Rindu nak kerja sampai malam. Setel semua urusan, balik rumah sewa. Rindu rumah sewa. Petang tu beli ayam golek, makan ramai-ramai. 4 orang je ko ada masa tu. Ok la. Malam naik bas. Off to UTP, Perak.
Gosh. Arrived at Ipoh at 8am. We have to take bus to UTP and arrived here at 9am. A good man give us a lift. Then here I am. in IRC, doing nothing with some books of Software Engineering, Visual Basic programming and database and data mining. Pening hidup nomad nie.. hish!

Ramadhan dan Air Mata

2011-08-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan ini
Ku jejak bersama rasa pilu

Ramadhan ini
Ku jejak bersama air mata

Ramadhan ini
Ku jejak mendekati Yang Esa

Melihat langit malam yang gelita
ku mencari kira terdapat cahaya
yang memacu jiwa
menuju ke sana

Esok satu misteri
Hari ini satu anugerah
semalam itu sejarah

Semoga hidup ini lebih baik.

Crap talk.

2011-07-31T15:57:00.003+08:00

My left leg is paralyzing but I still can hold it. My throat is sore. but I still can hold it. My heart is crying. I don't know what should I do about this.
I had been merciless to people since i was young. If the rules said white i will say white. Since when my heart started to crying? Since when?
I traced back my past. I got the answer. Since I torture it with misery.
my life is tough. It gets tougher and tougher. I was too weak to handle those things. people see me happy. but who knows under the smile has sorrow?
I sighed to my life. It want to stray me away, and i run away from it. And it keep chasing and chasing and chasing. Should I be blamed for revealing my life? Should I be blamed for being encouraged to do something I don't really need to do it?
Normally, people will think something negative about a person once a person do a mistake. thye will think this person will never change if they do the mistake twice. People look at MISTAKES instead of EFFORTS. Do you know if that person tried not to repeat the mistake for the second time? Do you know that the person do not like to make other people unhappy with what he/she had done? Why these people are too judgemental when seeing those people? If you have experience something with he/she which you dislike. would you go to the same person AGAIN? Seriously speaking, have you ever thought the same thing will happen, for the WORST CASE SCENARIO? Being too negligence lead you to another trouble, another problem which will be seen as never ending Problem.
Be niece when people r being nice to you. There is no loss. We love this life. no one wants to live in fight, hatred. or you just want to make things much more complicated? There is no use. simplify it or END IT.
All of this is in your hand. you know which one is better if your brain can think something better. not to mention. if there is no hope for the issue, let it go, even one side still holding it. Later the other side will realized that there is no use to hold the issue anymore. eventually, the issue will be abandoned. and you should not pick it anymore.
We are too negligence to have our mind to think about this. We are too stupid to realized that every hatred we put inside our heart is killing our soul.
Let the heart filled with love, let the face glows with smile and let have our life the fullest.

I'll never ask you again

2011-07-28T11:21:00.004+08:00

This is
the end line
I'll never ask you again

This is
the end line
for my never ending apologies

I'm tired of this life
I'm tired looking for you
I'm tired to see anything from you
I'm tired to relate my life with you
with you..
with you..

We used to smile together
and laugh with the joke together
but it all the past
I need to forget
I need to forget

Never mind
whatever answer
you put myself in the tears

never mind
whatever you think
'cos I'll never put
my head 'bout you again

This is the end to this story
This is the end of my journey
to talk bout this to you...

If you don't see me again
I hope you find your peace there
and I'm glad you like my absence
and it's my please to see be away

I'll never miss you
I'll never miss you

Hope we will never see each other again
even though we will bump to each other
sometimes
It's okay with me to make you a stranger
and to walk around didn't see you

and hope you
never come to my life
I'll run away as far away as I could
from your life

let me spread the wings
and fly away
at the blue sky
never see you again
is my last wish
in my life

I don't want you to love me
I don't want you to hate me
hope you will forget my name
and all we had together
and once I stepped out from here
You never know me was here

and please
let me have my own way
I tried many things to run from you

Because I know I'll hurt you
again

This is
the end line
I'll never ask you again

Lepaskan aku

2011-07-19T07:15:00.003+08:00

Ku berlari ke pantai
agar bayu ketenangan
lembut membelai hatiku

Ku berlari
meninggalkan tasik pilu
yang penuh air mataku dahulu

Ku dendangkan satu irama
menari penuh riang
penuh dengan keceriaan

Namun hadirmu
bersama gendangmu
langkah tariku jadi
mengikutmu

Jangan
Jangan kau paksaku
menari mengikutmu
aku sudah keliru

Jangan
Jangan kau bawa aku
ke teluk rindu
menangisi embun sayu
yang lalu

tariku tarian maafku
kepada dirimu
cuba lari dari mu
aku tak benci padamu

mengapa kita berjumpa lagi?
mengapa kita bergendang menari?
Genta hatiku berbunyi
memberi amaran
akan ada air mata nanti

Wahai Tuhan yang Satu
aku pinta pada-Mu
Jangan bawaku
kembali ke tasik pilu

Ku berserah kepada-Mu
pasrah dalam hati
pentas pantai ini
tiada awan benci

Biar aku terus merantau
mencari satu ketenangan
disebalik tabir kehidupan

Lepaskan aku dari rindu
satu rindu yang lalu
aku tak mahu lagi
menangisi diriku

Wahai Tuhan yang Satu
aku pinta pada-Mu
Jangan bawaku
kembali ke tasik pilu

8 months. Done.

2011-07-15T21:11:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my last day working as trainee at Petlin. Bila nak habis intern, banyak pulak kerja nak dihabiskan.. huhu... sedih. my last days in Petlin ended with a farewell party at KGRP. Finally dpt gak jejak kaki kt sana.. hahaha.. But end of the day, sibuk dgn event. Very letih and my legs like nk tercabut coz mt shoes heels were a bit high so jln pun dah xbetul dah.. haha...
but seriously, sedih nk tinggal dept sebab dept nie dh byk tlg belajar about real working environment. Thank you.

Credits to my supervisor, aka HSE manager, puan zanariah, encik sukiman, kak fida, kak sharihan, harith , and faizah othman for the loving memories. gonna miss those time where we were running, yelling, shouting, joking and working together. you bring joys in working making me feel free to work without asking.

Don't

2011-07-11T08:14:00.003+08:00

Don't let me say I love you. Because you steal my heart and didn't give it back to me.

Jalur Biru

2011-06-29T00:00:00.003+08:00

Kulepaskan jalur biru
yang sentiasa bersamaku
ku hilangkan jalur biru
dari hidupku sementara
agar aku melihat dunia

Jalinan jalur hijau kulepas sudah
Kini Jalur biru ku lepas ke udara
terbanglah bebas
terbang bebas ke angkasa

sampai bilakah aku mampu untuk
terus berada di sini?
sampai bilakah aku mampu untuk
bertahan seperti ini?

Ku kunjungi tasik duka
memanggil awan luka
menurunkan hujan wasangka

Tuhan itu Maha Kaya
Segala ilmu ada pada-Nya
Aku hanya hamba yang lemah
tidak terdaya

Bawaku pergi angin
Bawaku jauh dari tasik duka
Bawalah pergi api benci
yang mula marak setelah
sekian lama

Aku penyebab luka
aku memberi duka
kau tiada salah apa
hanya aku sahaja
yang gila

Tuhan

2011-06-28T11:41:00.001+08:00

Tuhan, hanya satu aku minta dari-Mu.
Jauhkan aku dari kisah duka.
Bebaskan aku dari perangkap masa.
Hilangkan aku di mata dunia.

Buat baik

2011-06-27T22:42:00.001+08:00

kalo hang buat baik kat aku, aku try buat baik banyak2 kat hang. kalo hang pedajal kat aku. Aku serah hang kat Tuhan. Hang tu kena ingat Tuhan. Akai ada ka?

Siapa kau?

2011-06-27T21:08:00.004+08:00

Hati ini keruan
mendengar melihat
hati ini terasa tersentuh
bila kata-kata penuh makna

siapa kau?
siapa kau?
siapa kau?

mengorak langkah penuh angkuh
di atas bumi ini
bangga atas hasil usaha
peluh yang lain

siapa kau?
siapa kau?
siapa kau?

mencemuh menghina
berkata tidak berfikir
bantu tidak hanya berkata- kata

siapa kau?
siapa kau?
siapa kau?

kalau biar, kata biar
kalau simpan, kata simpan
mengata itu nombor satu
mencemuh itu dirimu

siapa kau?
siapa kau?
siapa kau?

Ibarat mengaut untung ditepi
bukan melukut tapi mencuri
yang susah kau lempar ketepi
yang senang kau ambil sendiri

siapa kau?
siapa kau?
siapa kau?

nak menghukum siapa sahaja
laksana kau itu adil saksama
cermin diri tengok muka
bukalah matamu yang sudah buta

ini cerita bukan buatan
yang betul dari hati
berlapik tidak hatinya murka
mulutnya ada, akalnya tiada

June

2011-06-25T19:30:00.002+08:00

Six things I can talk about my life in June:

busy-but-not-so-busy

Lost my mind

Lost my rational mind

Stressed with my negligence behavior

Got two kids I need to take care

Need to speed my velocity

Kawan baru~~

2011-06-23T12:16:00.004+08:00

Alkisah pagi yg hening ini diberitakan oleh cleaner akan kehadiran dua ekor anak kucing yg takde ibu bapa.
So, dah rindu sangat kt safee saya kan, saya pergi la amik anak2 kucing itu ke dalam kotak. Sekor warna oren, sekor warna kelabu. yang warna oren nie kuat mengiau. sedih pulak. Yang kelabu tu sebijik macam Safee saya. Cuma mata dia tak dapat buka. Kena cuci mata dia. Mula-mula bagi dia minum susu pekat yang dah dibancuh. Kawan cakap jangan guna susu tu. diorang tak minum. SO, dia buatkan susu dari creamer kat pantry. Yang kelabu tu tak nampak, so dia tumpahkan. Nasib baik atas lantai. tak pasal2 kena cuci. Diorang minum atas lantai la. Kawan cakap minum smapai kering lantai tu.. hahaha.. Tapi diorang minum sikit je...

Sekarang tengah tido diorang nie.. aman sikit. Ada yang takut denang anak2 kucing ni sebab diorang kotor. Takpe la ek. kita balik rumah nanti kita mandi sama-sama...

Be my dream

2011-06-22T13:16:00.004+08:00

Your smile, your laugh, your breath
have been in my life

I took a glance at you
so close
you hold me like
there's no tomorrow

I pray to God
this is only a dream
I pray to my Fate
This is not real

Seeing you far away
is enough to make my day
I don't need more than that
As I like what I had
So please I'm begging for you
don't come near to me
As I'm afraid I'll hurt you
for another chance

Only one I wish my in my life
what I had with you were not real
and please be my dream

I like to hear the fairy tales
with prince and the princess
in the veil
but I don't think it's real
'Coz I'm in real life

Spending the night on your bed
looking at the stars
having breakfast on the bed
with pancakes I had made

I pray to God
this is only a dream
I pray to my Fate
This is not real

I can sing my own song
have my own rhythm,
pull me over from lake of tears
and find my sunshine dear,
Throwing silent puppet aside
and get out from my house,
Face the heavy rain of tears
and find my own path.

Only one I wish my in my life
what I had with you were not real
and please be my dream

First love song

2011-06-22T12:58:00.002+08:00

It's summer time
I can see the sun is blazing
with the wind blow my hair
I smile again

My first love song
is on air
Oh I can't forget the past
what we had together

My first love song
I still remember
it was raining heavily
you lent me your coat
and put me in your warm hug
I'm in love for first time

but time had made us
to be apart
I still remember you
writing letters for you
sometimes calling to you
to hear your lovely voice in my mind

As we grew up on this land
I saw each others' plan
you have a dear I can't stand
Then I put things an end

This my first love song
I'm glad to have it here
as my memory I can't let it go
but I have to go move on

Should I take you as my dear again?
Well, I'm not with anyone but my bitter love
Please do not come into my life again
I'm happy and crazy enough
to live my life the fullest

I want to be myself again

2011-06-20T20:28:00.002+08:00

My last breath on earth
It'll never be the same as before
I have changed
This is not me
after all

I listen to the music
I've never heard before
reading poems of love
Who am I right now?
Who am I right now?

This isn't me
This isn't me
Who glare with smile
full of happiness
no fear of disappointment
and my tears only for my dears

I'm now hide my sorrowful life
from the world
My heart is no longer can free to fly
I want to be myself again

Hold my faith
I'm losing all my strength
crying tears all nights
having my heart broke apart
This isn't me
This isn't me

Where can I find my old me?
Where can I fond my past?
I have lived in different life
strayed by the current of life
I'm no longer walk my path
I want to be myself again.

I'm too bad

2011-06-17T23:34:00.002+08:00

I counted what I had
I have been on this road for too long.
I'm losing myself
I'm losing all myself
What I had done until now?
Am I becoming so cruel?
So cruel until can't afford to see myself
My old self which I have cheered!

I'm turning into a monster
A monster which is not a good monster
I cry myself on my bed
for being bad and so cruel

I'm losing all myself
please help get me back

This life is about you

2011-06-11T14:09:00.003+08:00

Hold your breath
take one deep inside
You know you are stronger
than anyone in your life
As many people don't like you
as you are
as you are

Hey! Hey!
Put the hate thing outside
leave them all
never look back at them
as you are not one should put it on
sure they will realize
unless they have no brain at all

Even they are smart with the high grades
excellent life
they are nothing for you
they are only ache
in your heart

Never! Never let you go
you all kind of things
they only you as a thing
so you look at them
as a group of beasts
eating sleeping and playing
catch you when they need to refill

Just leave the place
Ignore the glare
Just put yourself
under the shadow
of the shades
They are not worth for it
they are not your bliss

Keep breathing
this is not over yet
until you know you can yell at them
with no shame if they need
You just control
You just put that beside
Put that beside
Put that beside

Never need to know what happen in the home
Just keep yourself in the corner
never speak when it's order
Just need time to leave
Yes you leave
You will leave

Just put your right hand on your chest
take a deep breath inside
put it outside
you know where you're heading
and know where you shouldn't
when you should acting when you shouldn't

Get up now
This life is about you
and you
and you
other no matter

I think I'll put an end

2011-06-11T13:49:00.003+08:00

Blue skies upon my eyes
and the warm breeze kiss my cheek
I think the last string had broken
I don't think I'll have
to do this again

The shore is white with its sand
and the wave keeps coming to my feet
I put my heart in it
now I want to feel free
from you

They pick me when I was needed
They left me when I'm in trouble
who would see this as a friendship?
I think I'll put an end

They think I'm stupid
who just like the kitchen
I do really like it
but you must help me

Doing all things
like I'm a slave for you?
I'm sorry I'm not your Britney
I think I'll put an end

Bring me to the Ilse of nowhere
I think I can live myself
put me on the top of the tree
I can go down easily

Because I never be like
the first time I met you
You will never see my sympathy
as I'm done with you

Mengarut

2011-06-11T13:46:00.002+08:00

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rasa nak pergi pantai
pergi masuk laut
hanyut sampai pantai dalam
mati lemas ke dasar

Quotes: Lemah

2011-06-09T02:05:00.001+08:00

Lemahkan dirimu dari membenci
Kuatkan dirimu untuk mencintai

Just another night

2011-06-09T00:28:00.002+08:00

Pick me up
to the line of happiness
which is pure
with no lies

Pick me up
away from the tears
from the misery

This is just another night
put me in guilt
tore my heart apart
senselessly

There
I stop in the middle of nowhere
when I lost my track
when I lost my map
I can go nowhere

The sun blazing the ground
The rain cries with me
I just need a guide
from you

I have apologize
I cried every night
and I don't think you know it
as you have your own life

This is just another night
put me in guilt
tore my heart apart
senselessly

Bawaku Pergi, Tuhan

2011-06-07T23:26:00.004+08:00

Ibu
bawaku pergi bersamamu

Ayah,
benarkan aku tinggal di sebelahmu

hidup laksana tiada erti
laksana hilang dalam ketawa mereka

rumah kecil itu
aku bakal ada yang sama
cuma masa yang akan membenarkan
aku masuk ke rumah kecil itu

Apa diri ini amat dibenci?
Apa diri ini amat dicemuh?
Apa diri ini amat jahat?
Apa diri ini amat syaitan?

Aku sudah lari
kerana lari itu
adalah sebaik jalan
membawa aku
melihat awan keamanan

Tuhan,
Kusemai benih kemaafan
Kusiram air kesabaran
Kubaja dengan doa harapan
Namun buahnya
pahit dan kelat

Tanah ini bukan tempatku
untuk menanam pokok harapan
kerana tanah ini
sudah tercemar
dengan racun kebencian
dan kekecewaan

Bawaku pergi, Tuhan
Bawaku pulang ke kampung halaman
Aku hanya dambakan
satu sapaan
dari hati yang senang
dan senyuman riang

Itu Kisah Mei

2011-06-07T18:53:00.005+08:00

Itu Kisah Mei
penuh amarah, penuh tangisan
tragedi itu satu sejarah

Itu Kisah Mei
yang masih diam tidak berkata
yang ditinggalkan keseorangan

Itu Kisah Mei
Yang melupakan tanggungjawab
yang ingin melupakan tanggungjawab

Itu Kisah Mei
menyeksa hati menyiat jiwa
luka parah berdarah tidak

Mei itu penuh duka
yang benar
ada juga tawa
yang dibuat
di pentas hidup mereka

Coming home...

2011-06-01T22:01:00.002+08:00

I'm coming home
I'm coming home
to my hometown.

Sometimes I want to step into my house and say

"Ummi, Abah. Dikme dah balik."

How I hope I can see my mother and my father now and live with them forever....

Random question.

2011-05-30T08:30:00.002+08:00

If God gives you the situation which you expected and it hurts other people rather than you. In the end you will feel guilty for hurting them. How would you face it?

Sunday Wish

2011-05-29T07:00:00.003+08:00

Good Morning!!!
Today is Sunday. here in Terengganu, we work on Sunday and weekend start on Friday. Like Rebecca black Friday song~~ Friday..Friday... it's friday! hahaha..
But today is Sunday.

I hope today is a beautiful Sunday. :D

Like an alien

2011-05-28T23:03:00.005+08:00

*picture fromhttp://business.transworld.net/files/2008/06/19/awprofile.jpg

Stranded on a land of nowhere
I'm the only one who is different
I have no common on this land
no matter what I do
I'm not one of them

I can see some little Angels
I see lots of Devils
I see a few called Friends
I see lots of Backstabbers
I see most Bloodsuckers
I see so many Beasts

Red strings wrapped my heart
tied to the Angels
tied to the Devils
torturing me inside out
I have no guidance now
and I will DIE!

I am like an alien
on this land
I've lost my space ship
I've lost my homeland
Extending my lungs
to this polluted air
I'm suffering
I'm choking

Just let me go away
from this filthy world
don't hold me on
let me find my own path
of afterlife

terribly ruined
my body can't stand it
my heart is damaging
my brain is destroying
I'm an alien

If I'm losing my life
no one will know I will die
they never know who I am
I have no life to give to them
The land is full of darkness
there is no lights of kindness
everyone is happy
as long as the hatred died
and disappeared.

I am like an alien
on this land
I've lost my space ship
I've lost my homeland
Extending my lungs
to this polluted air
I'm suffering
I'm choking

I am like an alien
on this land
I've lost my space ship
I've lost my homeland
Extending my lungs
to this polluted air
I'm suffering
I'm choking

And I'm dying....
dying....
dying....
dying....

I'M SORRY / AMBE MITOK MAAF

2011-05-28T22:40:00.004+08:00

DUA TIGA MINGGU KEBELAKANGAN RASA TAK SEDAP HATI. ASYIK-ASYIK TERINGAT MULLOH UMMI, TERINGAT MULLOH ABAH. TIBA-TIBA NAK TGOK KUBUR UMMI ABAH, TIBA-TIBA RASA NAK MATI CEPAT BIARPUN AMALAN TAK CUKUP. JAHIL KAN? TIBA-TIBA RASA MATI TU BAIK. SANGAT BAIK. TAK BANYAK SONGEH DENGAN MANUSIA YANG TAK BAIK. TAK PAYAH NAK SAKIT HATI. CUMA SAKIT DALAM KUBUR SEBAB AMALAN TAK CUKUP. ACI TAK KALAU NAK MATI TENGAH LAUT. HILANG TERUS. HAHAHA... TAK PUN KENA CULIK BUNIAN. AWEK CUN.. HAHAHA...

BEFORE GOD TAKE MY LIFE SUDDENLY, I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY HOUSEMATES, MY FRIENDS WHICH I APPRECIATE THE MOST. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR KINDNESS TO ME. ONLY GOD CAN REPAY ALL OF YOU.

MATI ITU TAK MENENTU. BILA-BILA MASA BOLEH MATI. OLEH ITU, SAYA MINTA MAAF BANYAK-BANYAK KALAU SAYA MATI SECARA MENGEJUT. MANA LA TAHU KAN. AJAL MAUT DI TANGAN TUHAN. HARAP SAYA MATI LEPAS DAH SIAP SEMUA KERJA. HEHEHE....

*STILL NAK BER-CONDITION DENGAN TUHAN KAN?
**KALAU DAH HIDUP ORANG TAK SUKA, KENAPA NAK HIDUP LAGI KAN? MATI LAGI BAIK. MANUSIA MEMANG SUKA KALAU ORANG YANG MEREKA BENCI MATI. TRAGIS LAGI SUKA. LAGI CAKAP 'PADAN MUKA'. MANUSIA SUKA MENGHINA TAK SUKA MEMBIMBING. MANUSIA SUKA MENGADU, TAK SUKA MEMBANGUN. MANUSIA SUKA ORANG LAIN MERANA, TAK PERNAH MEMBANTU.

Comel~~~~

2011-05-28T18:24:00.004+08:00

DIA SANGAT COMEL BILA DIA TIDUR

*kucing saya, Safee. tgh rindu dia. dah lama tak balik rumah. dok rumah kwn pompuan sy.. huhuhu...

First love

2011-05-28T18:06:00.004+08:00

I'm just a lonely person
who thirst of love
never know the meaning of love
until you come into my life

As I think you're just only friend
you are more than that
I was thinking of you
every night
even in my dreams!
You are making my life
turn around
And I haven't ready yet!

You are first love I have
I never have someone else
but I've no gut
to tell you what I feel

Love Love Love
Love Love Love
Love Love Love

People kept talking 'bout us
but we never speak a word
it's only just for business sake
or else we kept silent

You have the beautiful eyes
a very charming of smile
I think I'd fall in love
in you forever
your gesture tell me you too
holding the same sensation
as I always do

You are first love I have
I never have someone else
but I've no gut
to tell you what I feel

So baby nothing to afraid
Come here and give me a kiss
We have a date to go
and shall we leave this place?

We live our life for sure
and our love never fade
because this our first love
and we will preserve it.

Quotes: Close

2011-05-26T21:06:00.001+08:00

I can't close my eyes coz' your smile is too sweet to forget.

Pantai

2011-05-21T13:50:00.003+08:00

Petang itu dia berjalan perlahan ke arah pantai. Matanya memandang terus pada laut yang biru itu. Hatinya tenang. Tiupan bayu pantai itu seolah-olah berbisik padanya akan mantera ketenangan yang dia impikan. Ditinggalkan jalan raya yang sibuk dengan kenderaan-kenderaan yang berlumba-lumba ke arah masing-masing.
Dia berjalan sehingga kakinya menapak ke arah sebuah gerai kecil. Gerai itu kelihatan usang, dengan atap zink yang sudah berkarat, tiang kayu yang sudah reput akibat berhujan panas di tepi pantai. Semangkuk bihun sup suam bersama beberapa keping keropok lekor menjadi santapan dia. Air kelapa sejuk di dalam gelas besi membuka seleranya petang itu. Deruan angin pantai bersama ombak biru di laut membawanya jauh ke dalam benak mindanya. Bermacam-macam perkara yang difikirkan. Kadang kala dia menghela panjang mengenang nasib diri yang tidak seperti orang lain. Bihun sup itu dihabiskan dengan penuh rasa tawar hati. Dia tidak rasa bihun sup dan keropok lekor dapat menghiburkan diri dia.
Setelah selesai di gerai, dia melangkah turun ke pantai. Kakinya tidak kekok berjalan di atas pasir. Dia semakin teruja untuk melangkah menuju gigi air. Ombak itu seolah-olah melambai dia agar masuk ke dalam laut biru itu. Dia melihat gelagat anak-anak remaja remaja yang bermandi-manda di tepi pantai itu. mereka berenang merentasi gelombang air itu. Dia hanya mampu melihat dari jauh. Tidak tercapai oleh niatnya untuk berlibur di pantai itu.
Kakinya melangkah sepanjang pantai itu. Ombak laut bermanja-manja pada kakinya, memberikan ketenangan kepada dirinya. Kanak-kanak sedang leka bermain bersama ibubapa mereka. Tapak-tapak kaki yang kecil itu berselerak di pantai. Kadang-kadang ada tapak-tapak kaki itu hilang dibawa ombak. Dia melangkah perlahan dan perlahan. Matanya kadang kala menangkap pemandangan pelabuhan yang sibuk itu. Di situ hasil perut bumi dibawa ke darat setelah digali dan digali. Bermacam-macam ragam dilihatnya di tepi pantai.
Langkahnya terhenti seketika apabila melihat seorang pakcik yang hairan melihat bangkai ikan yang terdampar di tepi pantai. Itu mungkin ikan laut dalam yang tersesat dibawa arus ombak dan tidak sempat untuk bersama ombak itu pulang ke pantai. Pak cik itu masih melihat ke arah ikan itu dengan penuh tanda tanya. Dia hanya mampu menggeleng kepala melihat gelagat pakcik itu.
Air masih lagi setia mengalun ke pantai, dan dia berhenti sejenak melihat ufuk langit yang jingga kemerahan nun jauh di sana. Dia melangkah ke pasir yang kering hingga ke jalan kecil. Sesekali dia memandang ke arah pantai, melihat ombak memanggil-manggilnya kembali ke arah laut itu.

Don't make me fall in love again

2011-05-20T12:18:00.006+08:00

Last night I was crying
Thinking of us
Last night I was shouting
In my heart alone
And I think I should let this go
and move on

I was like a bird in a cage
full of memories
I cannot find the exit
it full of memories!!

I wanna flying away
to go further away
and I was like
"Baby, I'm out from this play."
Just let me spread out my wings
to fly on the blue sky
and I was like
"Baby, I'm out of this play."

Don't you hold me down in cage
I don't want hurt you another place
Makes me crying nights and days

Please don't make me fall in love again
I don't want to break you heart
You make me fall in love again
I'll ripped my heart apart

I wanna flying away
to go further away
and I was like
"Baby, I'm out from this play."
Just let me spread out my wings
to fly on the blue sky
and I was like
"Baby, I'm out of this play."

Last night I was crying
Alone in my heart.

Gigi cheq dah hilang satu!!!!

2011-05-18T11:58:00.004+08:00

cheq baru balik klinik.. sakit nie...

Cheq baru balik dari Klinik nie.. pi cabut gigi. Ha la... dok sakit ja manjang. Cheq pun serabut.
Cheq amik keputusan cheq tak nak pi kerja hari nie. Pi cabut gigi cheq nie.
Dah 3 kali cheq pi klinik gigi tu dalam masa 5 hari. Pi mai, pi mai, tang tu jugak gigi cheq nie. tak baik-baik. Doctor gigi pon dah fed-up dgn cheq. Asyek-asyek dok mai klinik depa.

"Cheq nak tampal gigi"
"gigi cheq sakit"
"Doctor, gigi cheq problem."

mau cheq dapat pelempang dr doctor tu kang. Pening kapla cheq nanti.. hahaha...

Tu dia... cheq dah lama sakit kt gigi cheq nie.. asyek dok sakit ja....
Alkisahnye, gigi cheq dah belobang dah ha... cheq rasa baik cheq pi klinik tampal gigi cheq yg berlobang tu... skali cheq pi la jumpa doctor gigi. Pi la tanya kan.

"Doctor, gigi cheq ni lagu mana? Nak tampal ka? nak cabut? "

Doctor gigi tu habaq kt cheq.

"Tampal ok nie."

Cheq tanya lain depa habaq lain. Cheq pon menyerahkanlah gigi cheq nie kt doctor tu... Sehari sakit cheq boleh tahan lagi. Pagi tu, cheq bangun pagi gigi dah tak sakit. Nak ja cheq habaq satu perumahan doctor nie baguih. Sekali pukui 10 pagi, dia buat hal pulak dah... sakit rasa nk meletop gusi cheq. Awat jadi lagu nie? Cheq pi tampal gigi supaya gigi cheq jadi lagi baik. awat makin teruk gigi cheq nie? Cheq telepon klinik tu.

"Gigi cheq buat hal la pulak. Awat jadi lagu nie??"

Doctor gigi tu check.

"Ada gigi lain yg rosak. Depa kot yg buat hang rasa sakit."

Tu dia.. teori baru. Cheq sakit gigi yg cheq tampal hari tu. takkan la gigi lai yg berlobang yg buat gigi cheq sakit. Apa-apa pon, cheq ikut je la doctor tu.. doctor nie cheq caya siket... bukan apa. Dia dah buat tampal gigi cheq sebelum nie. Baguih na... Tu yang cheq sayang nak pi tempat lain.
Lepaih dia tampal gigi lain, cheq rasa sakit dah kurang dah. Baguih na doctor nie..Jadi cheq tunggu je la esok hari nya. Harap baik kan.
Esok nya, cheq pi kerja dgn mencarut-carut. Gigi cheq sakit satu hari. cheq tak pernah tinggaikan mug cheq yg ada ayaq sejuk. Nak bagi hilang sakit gigi tu. Cheq sabaq. Cheq habaq kt diri cheq, cheq tunggu satu hari lagi. bagi peluang. Sekali cuti Wesak pun gigi cheq sakit jugak. Jadi dua hari cheq sakit gigi dah...

Pagi-pagi lagi cheq keluaq rumah sewa nak pi jumpa doctor tu.. haish.. dah banyak cheq perabih buat gigi cheq nie. Baiknye takde la pulak kan. Cheq tak mo makan pagi sebab cheq taknak lepaih makan ada sisa makanan lekat kt celah gigi. Tapi doctor habaq suh pi makan jugak. Cheq pi la pekena Teh ais dengan roti canai kosong.
Bila dah siap 2 orang, cheq pi masuk bilik doctor gigi tu. Dia bagi cheq makan ubat, pah tu dia cucuk-cucuk gusi cheq. kembang pipi cheq. dah la gemuk, makin gemuk la pipi cheq sebelah kiri nie. Dah rasa kebaih dah mulut cheq baru depa amik playaq tu putaq-putaq gigi cheq. sekali depa amik gigi cheq. Ha.. tu dia... besaq!

Dear tooth fairy, baik hang bagi aku gold coin, kalo tak cheq pi cari kat rumah hang nanti.. hahaha...

Gigi cheq dah hilang satu.. huhuhu... cheq tak taw nak watpa dah... cheq rasa cheq nak pi Thailang lepaih kerja nanti, cheq nak wat pembedahan gigi cheq.. hahaha.. baru nampak eloq sket...
Hari nie merupakan kali pertama cheq amik MC. Tercapai jugaq cita-cita cheq nak ambik cuti sehari. Selama nie cuti cheq asyek kena batai ja.. amik cuti, tak jadi nak cuti. cheq nak dudoq rumah puaih-puaih. Nak tidoq takut tertelan kapaih nie. cheq taktaw nak buat apa. Pi cari kerja kat pejabat cheq baguih dok? Hahaha...

Awat cheq habaq kat hangpa cheq cakap Kedah? Cheq kan orang Kelantan? Hahaha......

Being Childish. A syndrome or natural behavior?

2011-05-15T22:34:00.003+08:00

When an adult is acting childish, he's growing older.
When an teenager (like me) acts childish. He still cannot let go his childhood.

Just a random opinion.

Dentist and me

2011-05-15T22:27:00.003+08:00

Yesterday i went to see the dentist.

Need to cover some holes in my teeth.

Went to see him, have a nice conversation, he fixed the holes.

At night I suffered the pain. Slept at 4am.

Woke up with no pain, then it started again at my work place.

Went to see the dentist.

She make another holes at another teeth. Fine. Paid 80 ringgit.

If the pain still there tomorrow,

Think not going to work again.. huhu... T_T

I regret I went to see the dentist.

Jangan angkuh dengan Tuhan

2011-05-14T12:45:00.001+08:00

Tuhan itu adil. Kita yang bersalah.

Kisah Bulan Mei

2011-05-14T09:21:00.002+08:00

Cuti
Dah 6 bulan practical. Lama. Bulan April berlalu tanpa cuti. Tak sempat nak bercuti. Cuba nak cari cuti di awal Mei. Tapi, masih lagi mencari-cari cuti. Cuti itu ada. Cuma tidak kesempatan untuk diambil. Mei ini ada 2 hari cuti umum. Satu di awal, satu di tengah. Minggu depan bakal ada satu lagi cuti.

Kerja
Kerja memang kerja. Tapi orang barat kata, "What a practical student can do?" tak banyak boleh contribute. Hanya mampu lakukan apa yang termampu. Permit, permission, itu kerja mereka yang berpengalaman. Diri ini? Hanya boleh meleraikan persefahaman sahaja. Komputer bimbit itu dibuka. Kadang kala tidak tersentuh lantaran terlalu banyak hal di luar.

Kenangan
Siapa kata Mei ini tidak menyimpan kenangan? Sama ada Barat, mahupun Timur. Di Barat, mereka ditakutkan dengan Friday the 13th. Di Malaysia pula ditakutkan dengan peristiwa 13 mei 1969. Saya? Tidak punya kenangan istimewa.

Kahwin
My cousin baru saja melangsungkan pernikahan. Simple, and the most important, economic. Tak banyak belanja. Alhamdulillah. Moga Bahagia sampai ke akhir hayat. Balik dari KL, my friend buat prank nak kahwin. Shock but me, I always prepare for the worst. Marah bila tahu dia tipu. She called and message me for the wrong week. Kebetulan minggu tu sibuk di luar department. Telefon tertinggal dalam jaket. Laptop tidak dihiraukan.

Me?
Bulan Mei bulan jadi childish. Most of the week terlalu childish. Stress tidak menentu, tidak tahu menangani stress. Mungkin perlu lebih banyak membuka Kitab Tuhan.

You and Me

2011-04-30T02:52:00.002+08:00

We're never talked
nor look at each other
You are a bright star
which shine with glory

I just walked the pace on my own
to see if i can see my own light
I'm just a glowing insect
at the riverside

looking to your light makes me smile
when your light sparkle, I'm happy
because you make my day
and so do other stars' shines

I wanna fly
to be a bright star
like you on the sky.
lighten the night
but i just a small light
it's a big difference
you and me

When I was green with envy
I just could see you from distant
Watching you
glowing
admiring you
if i could reach such bright star

when i see you again,
what i wanna see
a bright star upon my eyes
which i admired
which i miss

I'll wait for you
wait for you
to glow your light
and i keep this between
you and me

Hold Me Up

2011-04-27T07:22:00.002+08:00

The sun is rising
waking me from my bed
I see you from distant

You are sleeping soundly
with your blanket on
Waiting you to waking

Hold me up
Hold me up
with Your Chain

I just need a hug
I just need a touch
from you
to drive my tears away
and make calm me down

We used to be so close
We used to be so nice
And I would say it was the best time
in my life
but I'll never have it again
for now

I'll remember the last dinner we had
I'll remember the last smile we had
I'll remember the last time of our life

Hold me up
Hold me up
from hurting you
again
let me fly
let me fly
away from our world

I'll never hate you
because I'll love you
forever.

Raymond Abdul

Kosong

2011-04-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

Hari ini datang kerja lewat sikit. Tak pe. Flexible hour. Datang lambat, balik lambat la.

Masuk department, sunyi. Diam. Pelik, sebab memang selama nie pun tak pernah bising. dengar lagu pun, Indon, Patah hati, lagu dangdut, lagu melayu.
Hari nie rasa kosong, biarpun Sakinah asek cakap internet tak laju. Masih kosong.
En Syukri tanya "Bile habis intern?" "Lambat lagi."

Lunch awal, ada gulai telur itik. Tanya akak kantin, telur apa? "Ayam" Pelik. Tak pernah nampak gulai telur ayam camtuh. Dekat Pukul 2 baru nak pergi solat. Surau rasa kosong. Memang kosong sebab takde orang.

Kenapa hari nie rasa kosong? Kosong sangat. Main lagu Britney Spears, Radar, rasa kosong, tukar lagu Gurindam Jiwa pun rasa kosong. Pergi surau rasa kosong. Tengok meja Hanis pun rasa kosong. Even selama ni tak pernah rasa kosong pun. Pelik.

Balik rumah naik motor dengan Hanis pun rasa kosong. Something missing. and I miss the thing very much.

Sampai rumah nampak present dari Duan and Lan. Owh.. baru faham kenapa hari nie rasa kosong.

Kalau main lagu Radar mesti nyanyi dengan Fatimah....
Kalau buka lagu Gurindam Jiwa mesti kena tumbuk dengan Ain, sebab lagu sayu sangat.. haha...
Kalau pergi surau mesti jumpa Lan dengan Duan...
Kalau balik naik motor dengan Hanis mesti Duan buat perangai kat tepi... hahaha... nakal...

Walaupun sekejap je jumpa, rasa sedih sangat sebab semua dah habis.

Minggu nie Alif dan Shahril ek?
Lambat lagi kan nak habis internship nie.... haish...

Genta Merah

2011-04-20T20:54:00.002+08:00

Genta Merah itu berbunyi lagi
Nyaring, kuat,
Membelah damai jasad ini
setelah dikunci oleh rantai Amalan

Jin, Syaitan bersorak riang
berdansa girang
memecahkan istana Iman
mencemarkan Kamar Hati
dengan lumpur dosa

Genta Merah itu berbunyi lagi
memalu dengan kuat
menarik tirai putih
jatuh jauh kebawah
jurang neraka

Itu lagu mu syaitan
setelah genta itu dibuka
belenggu yang telah lama
menutupnya

Putuslah kau wahai Genta
putuslahmu dari tempatmu
hancurlahmu di tanah ini
agar sang syaitan sayu
menangis lagu sedih

Leaving and leaving....

2011-04-20T20:47:00.002+08:00

More and more practical students are leaving my company.
Pretty sad coz we've been quite crazy for a short time.
Thanx to Encik Eddie for bringing us to iPOCS, we did know each other better.

Last week, Fatimah and Ain just finished their internship. Totally finished and looking for a job. Ain is coming this May, Fatimah still has no news bout her.

Duan and Lan this week.

Shahril and Alif next week

E-pull on June

And us finally on July 15th.

Me? If I have to stay, might be longer.

Crazy, two weekends full of activities, outings and crazy stuff.
Mind if we did again if you guys work in Petlin? hahahaha....

Kisah Dua Hari

2011-04-08T23:07:00.004+08:00

Semalam
Bulan 4 nie ramai dah nak habis practical. So dua orang aweks nie pon buat jugak la gathering tuk kitorang. Dah kamching dah lepas iPOCS, Pergi jalan-jalan Kuala terengganu. So petang Khamis tu kitorang pergi gather kat Tanjung Batu (mentang2 dapt pot baru kan.. hahaha..) Sapekah awek2 tu? Mereka ialah Fatimah Nur Zahra yg mesti hot sentiasa, dan Zunnurain yg comel lote. Pada informasi anda (FYI), mereka nie masih single, eh, Ain dah kena amik dah. so melepas la korang kan.. hahaha...
Ramai2 kitorang makan kek! dari Secret Recipe. Kek SR nie agak muak sket kalo makan banyak2.. tp makn je la kan.. tak tahu la kenapa la kan, mesti ada leftover. One slice lg, xde org nak rembat. So apa lagi kan, sebagai pemilik perut bunting 4 bulang, maka mulut aq pun makan la slice terakhir tu. tu tak tambah dengan kek daun n ain yg aku rembat skali..
Ye la, daripada membazir, baik habiskan. Kenyang setan dalam perut tu.. hahahaha...

Nie awek2.... mai.. mai.. 2 ringgit selonggok... hahaha...
yg atas kayu tu ain, yg satu lg tu mestilah fatimah...hahaha...

Kelmarin (2 hari lepas)

Kisah 1
Pagi, nak pergi kerja, naik keta dengan Faiz. Tengah borak2 best2... tiba2 nampak sorang motorcyclist tgh terbaring atas lantai.
Accident. tak pernah tengok depan mata. but we just arrived a few minutes after the accident. The helmet was still spinning on the road.
Some said kena langgar lari, some said salah motorcyclist sendiri. My belief? Hit and Run. Mostly la kan. Motorcyclist selalu kena langgar nie.

Kisah 2
I was jogging in the evening. My mind still wondering the incident that morning. Once I was about to pass a junction, two motorcyclist were coming from behind. I stopped for a while, waiting for the motorcyclist to pass the junction. One of them slipped and fell down. in front of ME! followed with another one. Chinese boys, I was sure. I helped him to pick his motorcycle and that make me feel scarier to have a motorcycle.
My brother is sending me his motorcycle to me. Initially, i refused, but then I think may be it's not a bad idea to have a motorcycle, after seeing all those things? Call me freak, Yes I am! Hahaha...

4 months update

2011-04-08T08:56:00.003+08:00

Wake up in the morning with a smile

even though my feeling cannot be described, I'm happy.

One task requires me to finish it in four months. Now doing multiple tasks which almost related to my field. Thank God!

Currently quite busy to update my blog and my broadband sometimes 'disappeared' at my office and 'appear' back when I go home.

I'm tired of smiling with hatred. So I erase the hatred, a few months ago, but some still got inside. Hope i can completely erase them all.

Life is moving fast. I have completed half of my internship period here. Happy, sad, awkward, scared, anxious, worried, and lots of feeling I had gained from this experience. However, I hope everything is OK and nobody will get hurt.

I'm afraid my once-I-had-disease came again and get worse. May be I'll try to fight it and hopefully cut my connection with the people who I made contact with it. Sorry for troubling you and I appreciate your kindness and understanding. That's why I can erase the hatred. Thank You.

My company is quite small and I learnt about the process of the product making and it seems interesting. Hahaha... Should I change my field? But I see some opportunities in this company which I think usable for the company, Just need time o grab them. Pray for me to do well in my internship. Hope that will give benefit to all people.

By the way, Thank You Shadiqin Firdus for your update. Really help me here.

One Day Left

2011-03-30T19:26:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow, is the last day of my company's financial year.
Yesterday had department meeting. Many things had been revised and many projects need to finish.
Currently finishing the video-making task. I hope I can finish them as soon as possible.

Even though some tasks were done under my expectation, I really feel sorry for myself for being not so productive. My fault!

Hope new financial year will give a new insight for me to have my internship. Insya-Allah.

4 months has gone.

2011-03-26T19:16:00.002+08:00

It's four months. 4 months. 4 MONTHS!

If I looked back on what I had done in the last 4 months is not so productive. I'm more involved with ad-hoc tasks. May be I need to start something new now. huhu...

Currently feel sad with my conditions.

Hey! may be I can learn something new after this. So my life will not be bored anymore!!!

Chayok raman! chayok!!!!

Update. hari nie.

2011-03-26T19:11:00.003+08:00

Hari nie baru nak update blog kan.
dah bersawang penuh dengan rox2 segala macam. huhuhu...
topic banyak nak cakap cume xde masa nak berblog.
baca blog boleh la.. hahaha...

Rabak! Rabak!

2011-03-15T15:44:00.002+08:00

Walaupun internet di rumah sewa laju bak laju air sungai Nil, apakan daya, Empangan Aswan menyekatku daripada mengalir bebas di delta muara sungai Nil.

-Update xbyk. gile buat video, montage, satu projek lagi bakal diberikan. rabak, rabak-

-kalo facebook rajin lak nak update kan.. hish!-

Forgiveness, is a bless for human

2011-02-10T00:31:00.002+08:00

Dear friend,
I'm sorry for not being able to talk to you for several days. I'm quite busy right now with some tasks until I too forgot to finish my core task in my place. About the news i heard from you, i sympathized with the situation but all of this is out of our control.
Dear,
When we truly loved someone, we love them until we die. When we have fight with them, we didn't meant to. It's just a spice in our life. but when it turns out into a big quarrel, forgiveness is the medicine for all hurt feeling we endure after the quarrel. We just merely a single person who do not know what we are going to face in the future. However, if we have the gut to forgive, we have open the door of Bless from our God. God knows what better for us.
We cried, we run, we fill our soul with wrath, shouting, cursing and do all nonsense things we think might rationale to be done when we are in misery.
But in the end, who knows there is something we never see it? we never know it? It is the point where we have to stop all the nonsense acts and start to think positive about what we had gone through. Praying for God is the best way for us to forgive the person. once we forgive everything, God will make come to us of what we want. Our good intention should be paid once our action is carried out according to what we set in our heart.
Love, what else a person need in his/her life? a person need to love and being loved. It will make our world more peaceful than now. if everybody understand and nurture this value in all aspect of life, I think the word "WAR" has no meaning at all. Love too drives people crazy, insane in their world. But we my dear, as a human, we have to balance the love in our life. Love is a feeling which make us calm, warm and the most important, it makes us happy.

That's all for tonight. It's a bit late I assume. I'm finishing a cake now, with two layers. wish me luck. and to you too.
:D

Plan your Industrial Training. You'll never regret it.

2011-01-25T18:09:00.007+08:00

Hi there! It has been more than 1 month I'm having my industrial training. I'm glad I still enjoy my training because this training taught me lots of things (I mean it, ouwh~) and of course I'm doing something related to my studies. but more with multimedia, not software. However, instead of looking it from bad side, hey! I'm learning an interesting thing here. I adores those who masters in the film making and montage making, you're the sifu! I salute those who have the brains to think out of the box to show the world the most jaw-dropping and magnificent artwork.

I think all my friends are happy with their internship placements. I hope this positive attitude will never last in our life. So for those who are planning for your coming internship placement, do not feel weird to plan from now because it's never late to plan for the future. I heard some people complaining they have to do some tasks which are not related to their field. Let me tell you honey, you choose the company, the job scope and you must make sure your training must have something to do with your field. Never say any regretful thought once you have started your training. Why don't we look through some steps to search for a compatible company with your career prospect.

1. CHOOSE
What are you expecting from your internship? having a better understanding in your field? or just to pas by the internship because you want to finish your studies immediately. If you are looking for work related to your field, choose the companies which their core business is related to your field. If you want to choose something out of your field, you can choose other companies too. but later, do not regret with your choice you made. Remember.

2. PLAN
Plan which company you would like to work with. There are tonnes of them out there. First, choose the company which has the highest rank. Go for the best! DO NOT limit yourselves towards one company only. Make a list of companies you would like to have your industrial training. Make it until 20 to 30 companies. No worry, we just open ourselves for an option.

2. RESEARCH
do some researches regarding the companies you would like to go. Open their websites and learn what services they offer for you. Some companies will provide some information about industrial training they provide for practical students. They are hunting for people with top attitudes for their companies so it's your choice to perform your best work later. Please make yourself available for any talks from companies who visited your university. who knows you can find your placement when you attend the talk? And search the company core business and how you as practical students can learn from the company.

3. APPLY
Once you are convinced there are several companies which you like to have your internship, apply to the company with a proper approach. Use proper words and if you received any offer from any company. Do not simply decline an offer. and Please, do inform Person-In-Charge from SIIU so they will know your status. and never feel lazy to call them. if you try to tell them n receive no reply from them, that is not our problem. Ahakz~

4. CONFIRM
If you have made your mind to accept the offer, please reply your confirmation immediately. If you do that, you have make at least 3 people smile; you, the HR personnel who call you, SIIU personnel who handle your internship. The rest, Insya Allah you will face no problem.

5. LOCATE
It is wise for you to find the nearest house to your workplace because you do not want to increase your transportation cost. If your internship place is near to your house, why not just stay at your house. Free accommodation and food. You just need to worry bout the transportation only. But if it is far away from your hometown, it is better to find the house and some housemates~ it is quite expensive to pay the house rent by yourself. So do plan where are you staying and with whom you are going to share your house.

6. FOCUS
This point has no relation to the internship. Just focus on your final exam. Do not get distracted with this thing. but still you can carry on with confirmation of the house, the deposit, ect.

Any way, Good Luck peeps!

Sakit gigi nie....

2011-01-22T20:28:00.003+08:00

4 hari nie sakit gigi... sakit gile.... dah la kat geraham... pastu separuh hidup lak... bayangkan sakitnye bak midi cakap sakit paling teruk lepas bersalin. Mood tak elok, kawan pm gtalk pon buat bodo jer. kawan datang pun buat bodo je. kena mengunyah byk2. call me cazy.. it worked. So hari ni baru pergi jumpa doktor. doctor ckp syg nak buang gigi sebab separuh dr gigi masih hidup aka masih melekat. So kalo nak cabut kena pergi kemaman. xtaw la cmane. minggu depan pergi lagi tuk scaling. Nak cuci gigi.. hahaha.. gigi aq dah kotor sgt la... dah berus gigi sekalipun.
so sori kpd kwn2 yg aq xlayan ek. sakit gigi la... sv pon aq buat dono je.. padahal kena siapkan video minggu depan.. huhu.. sori sv~

*gmbr gigi xboleh tunjuk. buruk bebenor nak tunjuk...

Happy new Semerster friends~

2011-01-21T12:29:00.002+08:00

The new semester is coming for those who are going to continue their study, i would like to wish you Happy learning and strive for the best... :D

Happy Birthday Miss Nini

2011-01-18T17:21:00.003+08:00

If I cry today

2011-01-14T22:27:00.003+08:00

You and me
have a ride on the wheel
on the road
to the sea

The wind blow my hair
while I'm staring at you
You keep in silence
no one knows what you feel

If I cry today
Nothing else but you
to be with you
alone

The wave is calling
for us to play and tease
in the warm water
we splash the water to each other

If I cry today
It's nothing but be with you
there's nothing I need but you

Let the breeze tell you
what I feel
when we are distant
our eyes were never met

I just can't resist
your voice when you call
I just can't resist
your eyes when you glare

All I see is only you
my eyes is blind because of you
I never know this
would happen again
to me

I thought we'd spell out
the end
but now we're sitting
on the beach
facing each other
cracking a smile
for a long time

I just can sit at the back
keep my tear from falling down
and see you from behind
and for the last reason
to day I cry.

You make me smile :)

2011-01-07T00:15:00.003+08:00

We never met before
how the fate give us the chance
to know each other
you understand me the best
and you make me smile

when I fall
into the lake of tears
you lend me
your shoulder
let me freed
from the misery chains

I miss you
as we never see for ages
even we just saw each other
or i can see our pictures together
in the screen
and you make me smile

when you left me here
alone at the pavement of life
I have to walk it alone
with misery and cries
I never seen my life
like that before

meeting you again
is what I'm waiting
to see you
and have my time
with you

because it is only you
who can make me smile again

Just let me smile tonight

2011-01-06T23:52:00.002+08:00

You and me
we had our time together
laughing to the guys
in the TV
to our friends
who cracked a joke

When our eyes met
we just could smile
with shy
we never know
it might be the last time
we have the moment
with pure hearts

It's the past which I treasure
so just let me smile tonight
for our moments

I can't remember
how did we met
when we started to talk
we start to see each other
getting closer
and closer

it doesn't matter 'cause
it is only the past
so just let me smile tonight
for our moments

Hovering in my mind
our moments
make me to stop doing my job
thinking bout you
your warm smile
your soft voice
whispering to my ear

When the sombre cloud
rained over me
I knew you was there
for me

I don't think
it will happen again
like a dream
I feel it in
but disappear
when I open my eyes

but I still smile
when I saw you
so just let me smile tonight
for our moments

Happy New Year 2011.

2011-01-02T13:50:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Currently I’m updating my blog from my bus from Shah Alam to Paka. Although this is the second day of 2011, I think it is not late for me to wish happy new year to all my blog readers. I hope all of you will get what you want. Well, nothing much I want to have this 2011. My hope this year is, I hope this year will not be filled with misery that much. Looking back in the past year, 2010, I think I lived with misery, most of the time. I cried, I felt disappoint, I want run away from this world and disappear forever. Well, after I reflected my life before, I think I have to make sure my life in this new year full of joy, cheers and fun.

Why should I spend my life with something which I will never get in my life??? I kept asking myself last month. Why should I cried over a spilled milk? Why should I bother those crazy nuts outside there when I’m fooling myself here. Very well, I just let them get the hell out from my life. ‘cause I don’t want to cry again, to fell misery, to feel the anger and scream it out from my life.

Peeps, you know that we should move on and put that shit behind and never look back ‘cause there’s nothing you will get back from those nuts. Just move on and live our life the fullest!!!!

And my last word today,

Put the misery outside and carved a beautiful smile from now on.

Have a blast!

Well it's hurt... a bit. And I'm glad.

2010-12-26T00:06:00.002+08:00

Whenever I see a person I care the most once in my life, I felt a bit hurt with the happiness which I don't have it together with the person. I'm a loner. Yes, whatever you want call me. I'm not a person who is attached to a group in my life. pretty bad, huh?
Talking about hurt, my heart starts to heal a bit from the unknown-feeling-hurt-disease which make me feel more glad with the situation.

Oh, crap! This holiday is meaningless for me. I need something to feed my life!!!!!!!

Thinking again, I am in miserable states where I need to get my life normal. Wait. Do I have a normal life? May be. but I'm not sure whether I ever have a normal life 'cause it has been a long time I forgot when is my normal life. When having friends around or parents? this whole life is turning me crazy.

Soul mate? I think I'm gonna put this thing OUT from my mind first. Geez, pretty bad, huh? Well, I don't think i can be in a relationship for this time. Not that I cannot give my commitment, it's more like I shouldn't be in a relationship. Several cases I encountered in my life taught me love is tough if you don't have trust. Some people don't trust me anymore. If a person cannot trust me, how can I let anyone to trust me since I'm not trustworthy? I better find an alien area where no one know me and I can start a new life. When is the time? Just wait and see me disappear. On that time, I mean to be alone.

Thanks for spending your time to listen to my babbling tonight. Hope you will be blessed with your kindess to lend some of your time to read my crap.

It's a crap!

Merry Christmas!!!!

2010-12-24T17:48:00.002+08:00

Dear Jill, Joyce, Stephanie and David and all my Christian friends,

Merry Christmas!!!!

And to all my friends,

Happy holiday!!!!