Blogging? It never come to my mind when I start touch my computer. Why? I told to myself that I’m not a ‘computer man’. Well, what can I do? I’m stuck with a new field of learning. It is not that I hate this field. I confess this field is expanding and those who are in this field will get a bright future. Well, I’m talking about a new field in my life, Information and Communication Technology (ICT). ICT is expanding and I never mind about that because my interest is more towards another field, not ICT. Right now, I’m dealing with computers and programming.
You know, I told myself I won’t let myself to be in a technical field like engineering. Talking about career, or my dream career, I don’t want to become a doctor or an engineer. I did discuss this issue with my teacher, and guess what I got finally? Nothing. After discussing this issue with some people, I still can’t figure my REAL interest. My teacher advised me to become a teacher, an English teacher. Well, it does make sense to me (until now). My performance in Science and Mathematics are so bad. Chemistry, Physics and Additional Mathematics are my ‘killer’ subjects. I don’t know why I’m so weak in those subjects. Well, I tried hard, but still my marks are not satisfied. Right now, I’m no longer need to deal with Chemistry and Physics but Mathematics. I don’t hate mathematics, honestly speaking; I still like mathematics, especially when it comes for money. I’m a little bit crazy about money. When money comes to the topics, I really interested. However, when functions and formulas came suddenly, I’m going crazy, really crazy. I tried to get a form from the Ministry of Education so I can be an English teacher, because there is an institution that provide course for Teaching English as Second Language (TESL). Sometimes, when I surf the Internet; I came across some messages in the Friendster which stated that they don’t want to become a teacher. I said to myself, if I could replace the person. I was so puzzled until now, looking for my future. What should I do now?
Talking about this ICT, I’m such an idiot in this field. Still new. From the beginning, I told to myself, I don’t want to be in the university, the university that I’m studying right now. I just want have a simple life, my career must satisfy myself. I’m not a person who demands lots of things. I told my uncle about my plan to become a teacher. What next? He opposed my plan. Stunned with his disagreement, I told him I want to go to Russia, taking medical, become a doctor. Out of my plan, I went to my counselor and told him that I would like to apply for medical course to Russia. He afraid I was late, but he did give me the chance. However, after looking through my result in the examination, I was not too eligible for the application. My Chemistry was bad. Lots of my friends got better results than mine. Well, I was not thinking negatively, in reality, my name will go among the last person in ‘consideration’. Well, I lost my chance.
One night, my friends told me that there were some applications opened for a scholarship, from an oil and gas company. I was not interested. I’d never planned for that. The application form was $20 each. Well, something went wrong that night. I was studying at the dinner hall. Well, I used to study there every night, sometimes; I spent all whole nights there to finish my homework, Additional Mathematics :P Back to that night. I was reading, doing my revision at the dining hall. We got exam tomorrow. My friends a.k.a. my PB( Manager) during our time in entrepreneur club, he sat near to me, waiting for anyone that interested to take the scholarship form. After entertained some students, he need to leave for a while. I voluntarily offer myself to handle it. Then, my roommates, Jami and Nije came from somewhere, and asked me about the form. I said they just need to give write the name and give the money to me. Interested with the scholarship, they went back to the room and took the money and handed them to me. After a while, I was thinking that there is not wrong if I tried to get the scholarship. So, without thinking twice, I went back, took out my wallet and slide out $20. I never know that step completely change my entire life. The next day, we were asked to gather at the computer lab and register for the course which I know nothing about this university, and I did declare to my friends that I was not going to the university. And what happen now? I’m now in the university.
I was an English freak during my uppers secondary school. As an east coast citizen, we are not tend to speak English. Let me tell you about this next time. I’m more comfortable to know something in English, even when checking my career; I used to read the information in English. Of course in English. I made a big mistake. When I completed the form, the form is online, in Bahasa Melayu, our national language. I looked at ‘Sistem Maklumat Perniagaan’ and ‘Teknologi Maklumat dan Komunikasi’, because according to my result, I just eligible for those courses. Focusing on the word ‘Perniagaan’ I was thinking I’m going to take MBA. I never want to end up my life jobless, so I focused on the word ’KOMUNIKASI’. I’m good in communication and I thought I’m going to learn how to deal with people, handling a meeting, or perhaps more towards Public Relation career. That single click changed everything. After a few days, after finishing my examination, I realized that I just dug my own grave. I was taking ICT as my choice. Seriously in my heart, I want to get out from the school, run to a mountain and scream loudly for my ‘stupidity’. I was offered for the scholarship interview, I passed the interview and here I’m, at Perak, taking ICT.
When typing this thing, I was reflecting myself. Am I not being grateful to God for my destiny? This question keeps spinning in my mind. Until when I’m going to accept this fate? Well, I’m still in the process to accept all of this. Oh my Lord, I beg to You, please open my heart for this reality. For the worst time in my life, I can’t accept what happen in my life. I mean that. (-_-!)
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