Friends--> Stranger

"When your friends become a complete stranger to you, what would you do??|| Hating myself"

This is an abandoned post.

I have been keeping this post since last year. I have no gut to post it here because I was so dump, so fragile to tell everything.

I wrote this post for different purpose, aiming different people. Now, I just dedicate this post to a person who I care the most. Who once, became a place for me to hold strong.

I had this feeling. A feeling where a close friend become a complete stranger. I pray that one day, anyone I know will not become a stranger to me. God does not grant a wish easily. Man always make mistakes, over and over.
It is hurt to know the person you had good time together hate you the most, because of you yourself. I made that mistake. I confess I should not put you in the situation, letting you hate me and avoid me for your whole life.
But dear, life is cruel. Whenever you try to run away from it, it will come closer to you. I do have the experience of denying everything i do not like. In the end, I gain all things I don't like.
I did apologize, yet give up to keep asking for your forgiveness. May God preserves you from those who are cruel, especially me because I am your biggest enemy right now.

I have this feeling, that you will not forgive me forever. I do not mind. Just let me feel the pain in the hereafter because I know I deserve to be treated like that. Trust is the most important things for you and I had broke the trust and you will no longer see me as a trustful person. I am sorry. Later on, I will neither disturb you not making you life miserable. I just need some time to vanish completely from this world. Then you can have your life peacefully. Enjoy and have no worries because your worries has vanish and you will never see me again. Unless GOD loves to play our fate and meet us someday unexpectedly. Who knows? Only GOD knows everything.

It's not GOD I want to blame. It's myself. I blame myself for being cruel. I blame myself for being crazy. I blame myself for being an asshole. And I blame myself for making you hate me. The blame continue and continue until i can't take it anymore. I was too dependent on you. I was too naive to stand alone. I was too fragile to see my life over with a disaster. I was too weak to handle the aftermath alone and I was too stupid to let that thing to happen. What had done is done. I cannot change the past and I'm living for my future.

If you open your heart to forgive me, I am most welcome your forgiveness as yours is a bless for me, as angel from the sky, spreading the God's good will to me. If the forgiveness came sincerely from your heart, I have no more regret to leave this world, so that moment will last forever.

I plan to run away. but if FATE is going to make us see each other AGAIN. We'll see later.