Saturday, November 24, 2012

"Why Not?"

I have a bad habit.
I always put mental block within my mind.
"I cannot do this." "I cannot do that." "I hate to do this." "Why do you people hate me so much to do this job?" "Why do you force me to take this way? I'm suffering right now!"
Ok, the last one is a bit personal.
Currently, this is what I'm having right now. Depression. Emotional Explosion. Rejection. Fear. Insecure. Vulnerable. Inferior. And many more negative thoughts playing in my mind.
I can blame myself for choosing those feeling to play their music in my psychopath minded as they play the song after the songs of Happiness, Hope, Pleased, Motivation, Strong-Heart are tired of playing their orchestra since two months ago. When positivity reduced, there will be a gap in our life. And what kind of things that like to fill the gap most of the time? Negativity. The song of jealousy will jump first. And then followed by the song of Rejection, Fear, Insecure, Vulnerable. They than create a concert within one's self called Tour of Depressions, Featuring Popular Depression Artists such as Amy Whining, Bill Yelling, Chris Crying and Justin Complaining. The Hit Songs from the Tour of Depression are: Baby, Hire Me Now, Bad Boys Unemployed, My Dream Job Fly Away, Why I can't have you?, Listen To My Cry, Dumb Family is Dumb, I Want To Die, Don't mess with Me, I Don't Want to be control anymore.
The song of positivity is hard to penetrate once the Tour of Depression was commenced. They started play their positive musics to the clubs around the town and plan to go for underground sales.
Positive songs are getting popular but not as popular as Tour of Depression song. Their best hits currently are: Yes I can Do IT!, Gimme more job interviews (Featuring Glowing Britney), Shut up (if you know nothing about me), I will take my leap, I am stronger, Catch the dream, Kick out the voices, I'm breaking through (Featuring Vanessa Alert and Zac Wisdom) and the most crazy positive song, Why Not? has been the most popular positive song in the list.
So I just stop whining a bit and question myself. Why not?
Why Not if I just pursue my dream job and give no care about what people say? Why not?
Why Not if I just go and find a new field which is totally new to me and start from scratch? Why not?
Why Not I just celebrate all the success my friend have right now? Why not?
Why Not I just fll my life with positivity and live my life as God want? Why not?
Why Not I just go further my studies, let my brother pay for it, and may be i find happiness someday? Why not?
Why not I just stop all the whining, let my ear deaf to all criticism as some of them are bullshit? Why not?
Why not I just have my own program, do whatever i love to do regardless what people say? Why not?
Why not I just think positive on what is happening to me and let it be my experience for people to take lesson from my life? Why not?

All of this why Nots takes a great attitude to endure the pain, the falls, the crazy arrangements, the depression, the whinings, the tears, the yellings, the insecurity, to pass through all of them.
I takes great courage to stay positive for three months with no depression solution. I'm stuck here. I need to get out from this. I must plan something. I must run away.
Yes I need an escape
An escape to runa away from all of this.
Or else I'm gonna die from depression, family depression, internal quarrel and not to mention, self destruction.
People think they know who I am, but they did not really know who I am. If they read this, they will just know I am just a whining pig talking bout what I did not have, what I did not achieve. But they never asked themselves. What they had done before to me until I was driven crazy like this?

Freaking out

Yerp. I am. Now. Until now.
What you will do when you thought your dream job is not gonna happen and suddenly it drop down in front of you, begging you to take it with you... and.... you have to leave it as a matter that it violates some of the rules that you should not break, which you didn't know them?
Two months, two weeks. Nothing was done. Job hunting, interviews, scams, decline, decline, decline, they decline, I decline, everybody decline.
This is a tough journey for me. Very tough. Kinda glad, but kinda sad. Kinda glad because I now understand that life is not as easy as you think. Once you almost got what you wanted for years, but due to your academic excellency, you have to let your dream job go, not to mention the job somehow abet with religion's rules..... the last key word just make my tongue numb, my brain want to explode, my eyes was ready to roll down the warm tears and I want to shout but I couldn't. I want to cry but I couldn't do that. Thanx to you. I still need some family advice. If not, I'm just gonna roll that by myself.
I used to be busy. Super busy. Day and night. Regardless the season. Everything is the same to me. But after i got the news, I almost think my world fell apart, crumbled, trashed. And this crazy thinking came to my mind. Honestly, I was thinking. "Why the hell I spent five years just to be in the company where i never know i will be in the company or not, by taking something I have no passion, i have no interest at all?" And this crazy thinking came with another crazy idea "You put me in this, where I have to go through all of this, and if I'm done here with nothing, you gonna let me here alone?"
Those i would say, are my dark sides. The negative part of me.
I tried to make things as positive i could. Well, easy said than done. This is the toughest month for me compared last two months. You still have courage, positive mindset, positive attitudes, and you can fight depression very well. Not this month. For me, I handled my depression quite bad this month. I yelled, almost cried, I think of looking for another job, bla bla bla. Everything is in my mind, I'm losing my focus. that what one of the interviewer told me.
I have to pass my dream job, my degree isn't really reflect my ability+ personality, I have debt to pay (which I think I need to bear them alone), my future employer released me from employment (reason I have to pay the debt) and the position I'm looking isn't enough to cover the debt in one year after, and now I'm having a phase which I feel down everytime I planned not happened as it is and I'm losing ideas for contingency plans.
My brother agreed to help me to further my studies in Master. However he can't afford much. But he must help me to get my master degree if I don't get a job by next year. If I get a job by end of this year, if it is just a contract, I'm gonna further my studies. If I cannot further my studies, I will make sure my brother fully responsible on my expenditure, my life afterwards. He really like to meddle into my life.
Life has lots of IF. A computer, an agent or even an AI can't really solve this problems. God works are working in a complex way. I'm just gonna tag along with this game.
For someone who has nobody in this world, this freak me out. Yes, I'm freaking out.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Dream Job

I once had a dream. A dream created when I was a small boy. I talked to my late mom about this. I am confidence that I suit this job very much. I like the job because it allows me to talk to many people, taking care of them with love and let them have their journey safe and comfortable.
Last weekend, I attended the interview. I had my luck. I was selected. But mt family must oppose me from getting this job as my career. I'm in dilemma. I consult my friend, my sister. Everyone gives their support. I feel like I'm gonna get this job.
Then I called my brother. One word. It stopped me from getting the job. It's very hard for me to make the decision. I have to decline the offer. I'm good with the job. I know I can excel in the job and I can be the best employee in the job. But then, just one sentence made me think twice.
I may decline the offer. God, Kill me for doing this. I feel terrible. For myself, for my family.
I need a break. Away from here. Perhaps, an escape. Yes, an escape. I will do it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Job Hunting

Hello Hello~

Hey everybody!  Sorry for not updating this blog quite sometime. I think I need to focus on my study for a while. That is the reason this blog is not updated every month. Fortunately, I'm now graduating. Yup. Time travels so fast. I still remember I had this blog opened since 2008 and this is 2012... and i didn't make much post. Yes. I was busy with my business, and my study too.
I'm now in KL, well not exactly in KL, but staying around KL really helps me to find a job.

I'm now actively searching for job, which I prefer the position of Public Relation, Customer Relation, Human Resource or Sales and Marketing.
Wish me luck for my job hunting here :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Over the finish line

Hey. It's been so long I didn't post anything here. Kinda busy.

I'm graduated. Happy. Sad. Blank.
Three kind of feelings mixed up. Dunno what should i do now. Apply for some jobs. But still. not convince I will get an immediate one.

Monday, July 23, 2012


Aku tersenyum
Melihat kekhilafan diri
Yang pernah satu ketika
Menarik jiwa ini
Jauh ke jurang kegelapan

Aku tersenyum
Melihat air mata
Yang pernah kutitiskan
Setelah sekian lama
Bertakung di sungai duka

Setiap kali embun turun ke bumi
Setiap kali itulah aku menjalin benang kekuatan
untuk menempuh hari mendatang

Setiap kali kulihat sinar mentari di ufuk langit
Setiap kali itulah aku menanti bunga harapan
agar mekar membunga dari kudupnya

Aku yang mengejar cahaya
Aku yang mengejar cinta
Aku yang mencari jalan pulang

Monday, July 9, 2012

Just had some minor explosions~

Just came back from a trip to the east coast. This song strike me and reminds me to the past. I hope the person is happy. Not to mention, happy belated birthday. So I could consider my situation as minor explosions... getting less and less now. Thanx.
It's been a while I didn't post anything here. Here's a video, an extended version of Thinking Of You by Katy Perry.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Pretty busy lately? Pretty busy??? I was like... "HELL YEAH! I WAS DAMN TOO BUSY!"
Seriously I thought 3 minor subjects and one major plus a Technopreneurship Team Project which accumulate 16 credit hours last semester was a piece of cake.
ON MY FACE! My life for the past two months went like hell! I was like.... "AAAAAAA!!!!! Why do we have to submit so much assignments!!!!" I was totally exhausted by the  assignments, tests and projects... totally gone crazy for that..

See??? See??? If you say it was just a piece of cake, think again... I just wrote down the submission date... to finish everything on time??? I takes sleepless nights to finish them all... T_T

Positively taking my second last semester, I find out:
1. I don't have to worry about my minor and my major anymore, just have one core subject left
2. I can focus more on my Final Year Project
3. I have more time to do activities ie: baking, reading, swimming, jogging
4. I can plan to find employment opportunity, more job interviews
5. I can meet new people, going out as I want
6. I learn to finish my job two days before the dateline, review, improve and submit on time.
7. Teamwork is very important, however the most important when working in a team is managing the team
8. Consensus is important, but once none of us can't make decision, leader should decide for the team
9. Be kind to all people, regardless who they are and how freak they are... hahaha...
10. Bye bye hectic life and Hello vacation!!! Hahaha...

Still not good? Well, I think that this is enough.... Next time, I'm gonna tell you about my last semester events.. Lots of things happened. A lot. I think I need two or three posts for it. Haha...

Ok, Gonna stop now because I need to go to the library. Yesterday I was a baker, now I'm a student. Gonna find some source for my Final Year Project!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Grey Hair

Grey hair makes me crazy. Lots of them on my head.

Dream: Masjid

It was afternoon. I just finished one of the chapter of my subject which i waited for tomorrow. And sure if you study on your bed, you'll fall asleep. Yes I did. And guess what? I had a very weird dream.

I was at Masjid Negeri Perak in Ipoh. I usually went there to perform my prayer, sometimes, If I just come back from Kuala Lumpur. But the architecture is a bit different. It has two stairs to second floor but the verandah is too big and too open. The Imam was giving some sort of preaching to the people in the mosque. He talked about a topic; when your heart is connected to masjid, you will feel the feeling. I'm not sure why i was touched by the topic. My heart was really touched by the preach and I wanted to cry for it. I went downstairs to perform my ablution. I was too embarrassed with the situation so I took my face down and went to the water pipe. There is a guy in front of me. He's tall. and i didn't see his face. But he was wearing a shirt, stripes, red or something, like a corporate guy. I was performing my ablution and suddenly he tap on the water than flowing and let it pour on my head. I was pissed off after several times, so I changed to other pipes. And not to forget, I saw my roommate in my dream. As people gather to perform the solat, he did his solat outside, in wrong direction at the ablution place which is watery and uncomfortable. Then I woke up.

What just happened?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Busy April. Unusually busy.

See that? That is the reason why I can't update my blog this April... Totally busy. I just need to steal some time to relax and chill.

Friday, March 23, 2012

An Enlightenment on Banner Issue

Assalamualaikum and Good day to all people.

As I arrived in my room from Jumaat Prayer, there is one post which attract my attention to explain about politic issue in UTP. Allow me to enlighten the issue in the manner where this post is open and does not fall to any side.

My reading is based on a post from this blog:


Allow me to explain some points which I found not really accurate in the situation and as a leader, I am convinced that you could handle this issue professionally. As we know, not many people prefer to talk about this issue, but let me post it here as my comment is too long to post in the Facebook. Your idea, Sir, is splendid and gives benefits to UTP students. However, I would like to explain some issue which I would like to express it in a proper manner.

Before we go further, we will look on how this issue become a big issue and how we should handle this issue properly.

How it happened?
It was a nice evening where everyone is tweeting in tweeter talking about their life, excitement, not to mention thoughtless tweets. Then suddenly somebody tweet on something about SRCUTP Facebook (fb) page. As a curious person, I took a look at the page and saw iFest banner in SRCUTP fb page. SO, where is the issue?
Scrolling down the page and I see lots of them shout, angry and disappointed with MPPUTP. And I see the similarity of the content tweeted by those people.
"They do not like the banner wording."

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? it's just a banner. Then I looked back at banner. There are some words in the banner which is not suitable to be placed in the banner. The issue is there but some students were too emotional in the twitter or their style of writing looked in rage.
As the banner is about religious issue, thus we cannot run from associating this banner appearance with one of the famous student body in UTP (If you know what I mean). Sadly, some of us were too carried away with our emotion thus blaming the student body controlling MPP. However, do not blame us because this issue becoming a hot topic after 2009 Campus Election. Enough for me to put here history do play part in this issue.
We do not oppose the program even we support if more programs will be organized in the future. However, it is not to our liking where the image of Islam is deteriorated from this banner. As I mentioned in my comment before, some of it:
"A good program with a good content with a good intention and expecting good result from the program. However, there are some words are not being used correctly to show the intention of the program resulting to audiences to see the program as an insult to other religions. Thus this will create a bad image to the religion itself....... Choosing the right words is essential for social harmony...."

There some rationals we need to consider talking about this issue.

With the slogan "Towards Development of Students' Integration", this 2012 line of MPPUTP wants to develop students with four aspects with three highlighted aspects; Spiritual, Culture, and Sports. Let us pause for a while and ask ourselves this question:
"Do UTP students aware about this? "

We do understand the situation faced by our MPP as they face a hard time with the students. As someone in the organization for a long time, I understand the author understand what efforts had been done to solve the problem and what hardship they faced in the past. But that one should be used as a lesson to push MPP to become a better one. We are waiting for you to come out with ideas which benefit the students.

Students never want iFest to be stopped. There is no comment which want the program to be stopped. Just go on with the plan, organize the program. We do not oppose the program.
What we demand from the page is to CHANGE the SRCUTP fb page banner to other picture. There is no opposition towards the organizing the event. Please be clear that we do not oppose any religious events. If the events just for you guys and you want to promote it to us. Just go on! It is one of your effort towards da'wah to your friends, right? And if we do not interested, then you already accomplish your duty. To spread His Words. And it is up to us to join the event or not. We re not being cynical towards religious programs, it is just one mystery elements which distance us from you guys. (OK now I'm grouping you).

We do understand that banner just for promotion and MPP does not gain any profit from the banner, but considering our other friends from other religions, we think some words may hurt them. Seriously. One comment from our dear friends comment that
"What happened if a banner is produced where the topic is 'Denying Islam and Muhammad Prophecy' or other religions too.... "

I'm touched with the comment. From our friends which I believe, not a Muslim. And I would like to explain more, I think it is INAPPROPRIATE for you to put us as 'being too caring and sensitive' in this issue. Well, I do not see this program invites all people from various religion background to join this program. If not, why such provocative words are used in the banner?
This is different than InFUD program which had been done before. We look at the program banner, it seems like it just for Muslims, not for all. So how we can improve this banner which can appear more welcoming to our friends?

As we are dealing with people, we cannot get angry easily, plus as a leader, we must listen to all opinions, comments and views from all parties and judge it wisely. It is not that this issue should not be discussed but this small things could lead to disharmony in the future.
Plus, dealing with young people, MPP need to be aware that some students do not have mentality like we do. Some people think the other way around and it is the leader responsiblity to re-direct the thinking parallel with what they want.
I would like to touch an issue about those who protest the issue hardly, which are Muslims because they think that banner is a big issue. For you it might seems small, but not for some of us. And if you say you cannot satisfy all people, that is true! But at least make it less offensive, even we as Muslim do not feel ashamed to talk about the banner.
And I would like to address this point to those who came out with some comments about Al-Munafiqun. As I observed the comment, it seems this guy is trying to say that those who protest this program, especially Muslims are Munafiq. And you sir, being pious and disregard people's feeling are good? Indeed, a very good person you are. Please bear in mind that we are not selling our religion when we protest about this. I'm disappointed with the student's attitude where he wants to label people as Kafir as disagree with the banner. This is the point where some of us, who do not have 'enough' religion teaching think you guys are bad. Bad people gonna be bad bad bad bad bad. And you guys? Hail to the Haven, may Lord Bless your souls! (I'm carried with my emotion, haha..)

I'm not a person with religious knowledge that much. I rarely read the Quran and I cannot remember much Hadiths. However I do understand people around me with different religion backgrounds and cultures with different personality. For me it is a crime for you to openly disrespect other religions.
I'm here to come out with my points about the banner issue and our sensitivity to our friends. We are not opposing Islam nor supporting other religions. We do understand the need of the programs, and we value the efforts done to make the event a success. We confess we did a lots of negative perceptions towards those who went to the mosques and Islamic programs. However, where does the negative perception come from? We understand NOT ALL of you are like that, but there some of you who are very negligence, very extreme and very sceptical to us until it make us away from you. This is the situation where the quotes:
"It is not the religion which distance the people, but the people in the religion did".

It is similar to what you had said before. If you cannot approach us and understand our thinking, How we suppose can understand what are you telling us?


Monday, March 5, 2012

Selamatkan Adik Natasya!

Memandangkan hari ni birthday aku dan aku sebenarnya nak buat kerja tapi dilayannya tido ternganga ha kau.. memang tak jadi la. Jadi aku buat lah entry kali ni...

Hari ni twitter sibuk bercakap pasal sorang minah ni yang kata bangga dapat minum arak. Dan dia cakap dia tak buat maksiat pun...

My first reaction was:
"Wao minah nie! Hebat siot minum arak masuk facebook! *kutuk xde agama la blah3"

Then aku pun join sama2 la kutuk2 kat twitter. Tiba-tiba rasa nyesal pulak.
"Sedap mulut kau kutuk orang. kau ingat kau tu baik sangat?"

Aku pun mula la nak tgok siapa budak ni dan apa masalah dia.
aku buka Nota Kosong punya blog. Kisah Adik Natasya Loffa.

Ini entry tertunda Nota Kosong. Sebagai orang yang sambut birthday hari ni, aku rasa agak terkilan la. Ada jugak sambut birthday togok arak. Aku pun semalam sambut birthday minum kopi tin sambil tengok Man U lawan Spurs semalam. Tu pun study untuk test pagi ni.

Sebagai orang yg selalu curious (baca:busybody) aku pun mula la rajin meng-google siapakah beliau ini. Aku jumpa dua blog. Satu blog ada satu entry Natasya Loffa Life dan satu lagi yang banyak entry; Natasya Loffa. Siap ada fanpage lagi! Bertaubatlah Natasya Loffa

Bagi aku, Natasya ni sama je dengan gadis2 biasa di luar sana. Ada BFF, ada boyfriend, ada kawan2 masuk modeling selection, gaduh2 dgn boyfriend, sambut birthday. Normal la macam orang lain. Cuma dia ni mungkin kurang didikan agama la kot. My assumption. Kalau ada kawan2 Natasya tu, boleh la tolong betulkan. Mana la tahu dia belajar sekolah agama ke, kan?

Natasya ni dia sayang sangat mak dia. My assumption Natasya ni anak kepada seorang ibu tunggal. Pasal bapak dia aku tak nak la amik tahu. Bagi aku, mak dia ni kuat bekerja nak sara hidup diorang. Mak dia pun mesti sayang gile2 kat Natasya ni.

Kalau kita tengok komen Natasya pada caption tu, kita pun tahu dia sayang mak dia. Sangat-sangat. Dia pun tinggal sorang2 kalau mak dia tak ada nanti.

Bila aku baca semua ni, aku tak rasa nak kutuk dia lagi. Natasya ni kira antara remaja-remaja Islam yang terlepas peluang memahami ajaran Islam dengan betul. Dalam komen dekat fb tu, dia cakap dia tak buat maksiat. Dia cuma minum arak dan mabuk sahaja. Subhanallah.

Tafsiran aku dalam mesej dia tu, aku rasakan dia beranggapan bahawa maksiat tu bila ada persetubuhan antara lelaki dengan perempuan sahaja. Kalau minum arak ke apa di kira ok lagi.
Itu yang aku rasa.

Ini satu contoh yang baik kepada ibubapa dan dan golongan muda agar tidak melupakan ajaran agama untuk disemai dalam diri anak2. Kadang-kadang ibubapa terlalu kuat bekerja sampai lupa akan tanggungjawab terhadap anak-anak sehingga anak-anak mencari keseronokan sendiri. Tambahan pula, kalau berada di kota raya, pengaruh-pengaruh negatif itu banyak. lagi la risau ibubapa dengan kehidupan sosial anak-anak. Kerana anak-anak itulah yang membentuk pemimpin masa depan. Namun, kalau segala ilmu agama dah diberi, jalan yang salah tetap dipilih, berdoalah agar hatinya dibuka untuk menuju jalan yang benar. Bagi aku, Natasya ni dah kira baik la jugak sebab dia masih sayang ibu dia. Yang lain tu je la agak memeranjatkan. Kalau dia berkelakuan baik, sopan, menjauhi arak dan perkara-perkara maksiat, dia mungkin jadi anak yang solehah. Sejuk perut mak mengandung nanti.

Lagi satu, nasihat kepada semua. Kita tak perlu share private life kita dengan orang lain dalam Internet. Internet ni ada berjuta orang yang akan tengok apa yang kau buat. Dan kalau gambar tak senonoh tersebar mula la jadi isu hangat. So, untuk adik Natasya, aku harap dia delete account facebook, twitter dan blog dia secepat mungkin. Nanti stress kang, panjat KB Mall dan nak bunuh diri pulak.


p/s: birthday rasa tak best sebab ada post mcm ni

Friday, February 24, 2012

Reflection: Pernahkan kita menilai diri kita?

Entah la. Hati aku hari ni semacam je. tak tahu la hari jumaat ke apa kan. Tiba-tiba nak buat status macam ni. Korang pernahkan buat benda macam ni kan? Tipulah kalau takde sekelumit pun dalam hati korang perasaan macam ni. Aku pun ada. Selalu sangat benda2 macam ni berlaku dalam hidup. Kau jumpa orang ni, dia buat perangai macam ni la, macam tu la, dia suka buat benda2 buruk la.
Cuba kita ambil masa kita sekejap. Kenapa kita cakap orang tu buat benda2 macam ni? Kenapa dia buat mcam tu? Apa yang kita dapat dengan kutuk orang tu? Kadang-kadang aku pun muak dengar benda-benda macam ni. Bukan apa, yang kau kutuk tu pun kawan kau jugak, teman kau jugak, saudara kau jugak.
Eh, kejap! Kejap!
"Kau ingat perangai kau tu baik ke? "

Ini persoalan yang akan muncul dalam kepala otak aku bila aku tengok keburukan orang. Kadang-kadang dah susun ayat kan nak kutuk orang tu, soalan ni pun datang. Paling buruk, bila kau dah kutuk orang tu, persoalan tu pun datang.
Kita ni kalau nak komen pasal orang kan, laju je... Ye la! Si polan ni buat benda ni, si polan ni teruk la, itu la ini la.
Pernah tak kita tengok diri kita kat tempat diorag tu?
Pernah tak kita rasa kita pun ada sifat2 tu? Pernah tak kita menilai diri kita sejauh itu.

Aku pun bukan baik sangat. Ada la jugak khilafnye kan. Hidup ni buat silap. Perangai cam celaka pun ada. Bukan semua orang sayang kat kau. Bukan semua orang benci kat kau. Bila kita buat salah tu, mengaku je la. Kalau kau dah jelas-jelas dah salah, jangan la nak deny2 lagi. Mintak maaf.
Masalah manusia ni bila dia nak mintak maaf tu berat sikit. Berat sangat2. Macam ada emas jatuh dari mulut dah kalau nak minta maaf. Biasakan diri meminta maaf. Bukan apa, sebagai seorang yang penuh kesilapan, kita kadang2 tu kena minta maaf jugak. Even benda kecik pun, minta maaf lah sebab dengan meminta maaf orang akan pandang kita ni beradab la sikit.
Nak tahu bila nak minta maaf tu pun satu hal. Kena tahu timing. But people always say:
"Timing is a bitch"

Bukan aku nak cakap timing is a bitch yang anjing betina ke mana2 pompuan yang annoying, tapi lebih nak cakap, nak cari timing tu susah. Dalam hal ni, kita kena jadi sensitif dengan persekitaran. Jadi sensitif dengan persekitaran dengan jadi sensitive person tu lain eh. Nanti aku postkan pasal dealing with sensitive person, even aku pun xde expert sangat dalam hal2 ni. Haha..
Sensitif dengan persekitaran maknaya kita kena pandai respond dengan persekitaran kita, respon pada orang2 sekeliling kita semasa kita interact/ berintraksi dengan mereka. Ye la, manusia ni lain2. Setengah orang, kadar melenting dia lain2. boleh ada level2 la. Ada yg level rendah, ada yang level tinggi. Dalam teori aku ni, level rendah ni jenis yang tak sensistif langsung la. Kau cakap la apa je kat dia, kau kutuk la apa2 pun pasal dia, dia buat dunno je. Orang macam ni dia ada dua jenis je respond dalam diri dia. Dalam bahasa omputehnya: He don't give a F*** . Dalam hati dia hati dia mungkin ada dua perception je pada kita/orang yang kutuk dia:
1. "So what? Bukan aku cilok duit kau pun."-Dia rasa pathetic kat orang yang kutuk dia
2. "Eh??? Apa dia???" - Yang ni jenis blur. Tak makan kutukan.

"Sometimes proud je jadi who they are."

Yang level tinggi ni pulak jenis senang nak merajuk, melenting, marah dan sebagainya. Kau jentik sikit je dia tu, terus merajuk meraban apa. OK. Yang ni banyak jenis respon dia. Aku pun tak jumpa conclusion for this kind of person. Ada certain people ingat orang benci dia la, dia jadi benci orang la, dia jadi paranoid dengan orang jenis macam tu la dan banyak lagi alasan2 yang bermain di minda diorang. Aku pun kadang2 pun boleh jadi gila nak cakap pasal orang ni.
"Eh, baby ni pun nak sensitive jugak? Susah ni."

So, kita kena la jadi sensitif sikit biarpun kita tak sensitif. Sebab apa? Sebab manusia ni taraf sensitivity dia lain2. Kita mungkin la tak sensitif, tapi kawan kita tu sensitif ya amat, kena la jaga mulut tu sikit. Macam aku la. AKu ni kadang2 mulut puaka, cakap main lepa je dah tak ingat dunia apa yang aku cakap. Kang ada pulak terasa kang. Hadoi la~~

Nak dijadikan cerita la. Semester ni baru ambil minor. Dalam kelas tu ada la aku confess tak bawak assignment, then lecturer pun buat discussion dalam group. Dalam tengah pom parang pom prang dengan kawan tu, lecturer pun datang la bagi notes kan. Sebagai seorang yang polite (la sangat. Poyo!) aku cakap la terima kasih dalam nada yang riang. Lepas tu lecturer macam buat awkward. "Come again? What's that suppose to mean?" Hadoi. Masa tu aku dah cuak dah. Memandangkan lecturer tu aku tak kenal sangat, aku cakap la yang aku really mean that gratitude. Maybe some people think our thank is a sarcasm. Owh Please, I don't really do that. I do it occasionally. Hehe... And after the class, I apologize if i misbehaved in her class. Even she said she don't mind it, kata hati siapa yang tahu kan? Tak nak buat benda ni melarat, baik aku apologize. Bukan apa, kalau ada benda yang dibangkitkan, kita cakap la kita dah apologize. on the spot. The one yg nk maafkan is them. kita dah lepas dah minta maaf.

Kadang-kadang kita selalu cakap diri kita baik, tapi kita tak pernah tengok diri kita yang jahat. Bagi aku perkara ni elok kita letak dalam minda kita, kita fikir banyak2, muhasabah diri banyak2 sebab kita pun bukanlah orang yang sempurna. Kita pun ada cacat celanya dan kita kenalah sentiasa berusaha membaiki diri kita menjadi lebih baik. I'm not implying that we need to change ourselves to fit other people, I mean we need to be ourselves and improved our attitude with more positive values. Penting sekali untuk kita buat reflection supaya kita pun boleh faham apa perasaan orang bila dia diperlakukan sedemikian rupa dan macam mana kita nak bergaul dengan dia. Batas-batas pergaulan dan kata tu penting. Bukan untuk menyekat kebebasan kita, tetapi untuk kesejahteraan bersama.

p/s: btw, kalau korang gaduh dengan kawan/sedara pun korang tak selesa kan? inikan lagi orang lain.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Busy kot!!!

Hey there!!!

Sorry for not updating my blog for a long time~~~ huhuhu.. I'd been really busy these weeks. A lots of things happened and most of them are exciting!!!

Let me take some time... and I'll tell you the whole story.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Quotes: Trauma


*Images are just for decoration only

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Being matured. Is it natural or should be developed?

My explanation in being matured from thinking and mannerism contexts.

Let us take a discussion matang dari segi pemikiran dan perlakuan. matang dari segi pemikiran dan perlakuan mean you can deal with different people with different manners with different way of thinking. Well, you know your friend very well thus you should understand how you should behave when you are with them. Still, certain behaviors are only valid for certain situations. IF you are in a serious meeting, should you pull out a stupid joke when everybody was in stress? That is a bad move. Plus, when having a discussion, let you be the one who give the ideas, support ideas and give credits to people who give efforts. Ideas must satisfy all people, even, not all people will satisfy or should I say, you cannot satisfy all people. But let majority will happy with it. Then, your responsibility is done there. And when generating new ideas, do not be judgemental and reject ideas immediately. Look for options, go with the flow, let people comfortable to express the idea. Any irrelevant ideas must be rejected fairly and all people will accept the rejection. The same thing goes to behaving among friends. Some friends cannot accept childish behaviors. I suggest you could treat people fairly but react to them differently. Humans are complicated, but we could do what only we could to make people satisfy.
You could be happy all the time, keep the handsome smile on your face and motivate people to do their best and listen to people problem and try to help them as much as you could. Everybody is kind, deep in their heart and we as a positive person must influence people to do their best, discover their talent and support them as long it does no violate Al-Quran and As-Sunnah. Supporting ideas and action must be according to our religion teaching. Be kind, reduce jealousy, avoid all mazmumah values and embrace mahmudah values. And the most important, make sure you can mingle with different people with different background. Then you can join them and spread the beauty of Islamic teaching, regardless muslim or non-muslim. At least you show to them how good a muslim is and how beautiful Islam is. This can be considered as a da'wah from you to others too, if you think you are not capable to follow tabligh program.
More talk about ideas, less talk about people. You still can have your own perception on a person, but keep that in you and you only. If we keep talking about people, we are no different than other small-minded people. As long they are nice to you and others, I would be nice to him/her too.
May be i talk too much, but if I'm there, I would be really glad to help you with your situation.
Sorry for the long post. :P

Thursday, February 2, 2012

New Cover

I'm not sure how many times I have changed the title background. But I was pretty bored in the beginning of the semester. i made this and i hope I will blog more in the future.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: SIFE

cilok motiodesign punya

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

New semester!!!

Hi there!!! It's been a while i didn't post here.
Well, I was too busy preparing for my final exam before and enjoyed my semester break. Well, here we go.
A new semester, a new house, a new room, I hope I can get a roommate later. Now, I'm living alone here.

Hope this semester will bring more lucks to me :D smile.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Mist of Tears

As I walk down the road
It was past midnight
I can see the dark sky
is brightened with fireworks

This is the last pace
I will made
To let go what I own

I opened the cage of sadness
with a key I made
My heart is crying

I will stay awake
to walk on this world
with my own will

And the mist
the mist of tears
come and surround me
all over me

I embrace the mist
for the last time
remembering all our cries
in the past

I will stay awake
looking at the mist of tears
fading through
and sunshine of hope
will appear
bring me the light
showing my path
and walk away
from this life

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Quotes: Different


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Hello 2012

This year, I just wish my 2012 is a year which I can forget all my tears in 2009 until 2011.